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The Best Bang for Your Buck Events in Portland This Weekend: Mar 15–17, 2024

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St. Patrick's Day Celebrations, Secret Room's Opening, and More Cheap & Easy Events Under $15 by EverOut Staff

It's your lucky day—you've found your way to the corner of the internet that's gonna give you the best intel on how to spend your weekend. Peruse solid gold events from All-Ireland Cultural Society of Oregon's 83rd Annual St. Patrick's Day Celebration to a weekend-long St. Patrick's Day Celebration at Kennedy School and from Jenny Don't & the Spurs with Jacob Weldon to Secret Room's Opening.

FRIDAY COMMUNITY

Secret Room Opening
Fans of local comic haunts like Floating World and Books with Pictures will dig Secret Room Press’s new shop wedged between Bollywood Theater and Salt & Straw on SE Division. The team is taking over the lease from Little Otsu, who will transition their sales of my favorite fancy notebooks to an online format. (Secret Room Press will also serve as a pick-up location for Little Otsu orders.) You might have spied Secret Room Press during their Lloyd Center pop-up last year—they hawk very cool risograph-printed books and zines. Their new space will have a rotating RISO art gallery and a “curated selection of books, creative tools, notebooks, handmade toys, cassettes, vinyl, VHS, and more.” Stop by their opening to scope out Creature Comforts, the first RISO art show. LINDSAY COSTELLO
(Secret Room, Richmond, free)


Film Review: Problemista Is a Bizarre, but Surprisingly Honest, Movie About US Immigration

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The comedy genius behind Los Espookys and that SNL"Papyrus" sketch, Julio Torres' first feature is queer, surreal, and over the top. by HR Smith

Problemista takes place in a universe where a call to customer support can spiral into a telenovela-style showdown, where bureaucracy traps people in infinite loops of Escher-like offices, and where Craigslist takes the seductive form of actor Larry Owens—who knowingly whispers “Bowflex” from within a web of trash. 

In this way, this first feature from writer-director Julio Torres is to be expected. Torres is behind some of the most queer, surreal, and over-the-top sketches in the history of Saturday Night Live—eg. "Wells for Boys,""Papyrus,"—and the most fairytale plot lines of Los Espookys. But Problemista is also a remarkably honest account of what it’s like to live in the US as a certain kind of immigrant.

Alejandro (Torres) is not so different from any other person navigating the big dream/big city/tiny apartment/no money gauntlet. He’s just also stuck in the bizarro-world universe of US immigration, where some people buy citizenship outright, others pay thousands of dollars in fees while trying to prove that they have “exceptional talent” that the US has a shortage of, and others are sponsored by an employers—the most affordable route, but also the most capricious, since if that job goes, so does the work visa attached to it.

Julio Torres (left) and Tilda Swinton (right) in "Problemista."© FreezeCorp LLC, courtesy of a24

That last approach is what happens to Alejandro. After losing his job, he falls into the orbit of Elizabeth (Tilda Swinton chewing scenery at the maximum setting), a tyrannical art critic trying to mount an exhibition of her dead husband’s bad art in order to continue to pay for his cryogenic storage. 

Alejandro is convinced Elizabeth can be persuaded to sponsor his visa if he can help her in her quest. This seems unlikely from the start. She screams at waiters, gondola operators, Apple support, and Alejandro with the kind of selfishness that is aided and abetted by insane privilege. She has a country house, plus two homes on different continents, one of which is a New York loft filled with discarded takeout, printer cables, and old high heels. She never offers to pay Alejandro, and sends him off on errands that require the kind of money that he doesn’t have. 

She is every white lady who has ever thoughtlessly downloaded a monologue in your direction, or demanded to speak to your manager, plus infinity. When she tries to make small talk it’s clear that back and forth dialogue isn’t something she’s put a lot of work into. “El Salvador,” she says, upon learning where Alejandro is from. “Pupusas! And those nuns they killed in the '80s!” She grins like a child waiting for a compliment.

Alejandro nods, slowly. In his flashbacks, El Salvador is simply a lush backdrop for the big house that he lives in with his architect mom (the legendary Chilean actress Catalina Saveedra) and the elaborate castle she built when he was a child, to his exacting specifications. In comparison, New York City looks like a dumpster.

The central question of the movie is really why does Alejandro stick with Elizabeth, even when she nearly transforms into a literal hydra? Sure, she’s Tilda Swinton—but Torres is writing all the parts here. 

One interpretation:  Elizabeth is America—or a particular kind of America, anyway. She’s messy, mean, selfish, unfair, coasting on unearned privilege, nepotistic, vindictive, petty, occasionally kind. If you read profiles of Torres, or listen to interviews, you’ll notice that many of the events in Problemista map closely to his own life, with fairytale flourishes. In this fable, though, the protagonist doesn’t so much defeat the witch as learn how to use her powers, the same way that a person might study another language.

Problemista is playing at Cinema 21 and the Hollywood Theatre now and will be widely released March 22.

This Week In Portland Food News

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Rangoon Bistro Expands, Sebastiano's Moves to Sellwood, and Bar Norman Says Goodbye by EverOut Staff We've got major spring fever this week and are ready to sip Negronis on the outdoor patio at Sebastiano's new home in Sellwood. Plus, Rangoon Bistro's opened a second restaurant, Bar Norman bids adieu, and a new bar plans to take over the Sweet Hereafter space. For more ideas, check out our food and drink guide. NEW OPENINGS 

Rangoon Bistro
The locally sourced Burmese spot Rangoon Bistro, which got its start as a farmers market stand and opened a brick-and-mortar restaurant in Richmond in March 2022, unveiled a second location on North Mississippi on Sunday. The outpost plans to offer a new specials menu with rotating seasonal dishes like keema palata and satay skewers.
Boise

YOUR SUNDAY READING LIST: A Revamped Homelessness Plan, Sapphic Love (in the Gym), and More Questions About that I-5 Rebuild

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by Wm. Steven Humphrey

GOOD MORNING, SUNDAY! It's the perfect time to catch up on some of the great reporting and stories the Mercury churned out this week! (PRO TIP: If you despise being "the last to know," then be one of the first to know by signing up for Mercury newsletters! All the latest stories shipped directly to your email's in-box... and then... YOUR HEAD.)

City, County Leaders Unveil Plans to Cut Homeless Count By Half. Not Everyone Is On Board.

Local leaders are heralding a “comprehensive and ambitious plan” to open 1,000 more shelter beds and provide roughly 2,700 unhoused people with housing or shelter over the next two years. One county commissioner calls the plan “absurdly unrealistic.”

Courtney Vaughn

Auditors: Future of Historic Kenton Firehouse in Jeopardy After Mismanagement

A fraud hotline report details a Portland bureau's failure to follow city contracting guidelines for management of the Historic Kenton Firehouse. State Rep. Travis Nelson has been using the building as his district office, rent-free.

HISTORIC KENTON FIREHOUSE/CITY OF PORTLAND

Film Review: Love Lies Bleeding Is a Bold Newcomer to the Erotic Thriller Canon

Director Rose Glass’ second film tells the sleazy, sexy story of two star-crossed sapphic lovers.

 A24

Loud, Polluting Leaf Blowers Are on Their Way Out of Portland

City Council voted unanimously to phase out gasoline-powered leaf blowers in Portland. The ban will begin on a partial basis in 2026, with full implementation in 2028.

Taylor Griggs

Hear in Portland 

In our music column this week: Don't sleep on the Foamboy bandcamp b-sides, the latest Wynne rap collabs (both local and high profile), and China Forbes adds a second record release night at the Reser.

NAT SCHMID, COURTESY OF FOAMBOY

Despite Funding Windfalls, the Future of the Rose Quarter I-5 Project Remains Uncertain

While ODOT celebrates a recent federal funding windfall and environmental approval for its I-5 Rose Quarter project, opponents of the plan call say the state could make better use of limited resources by focusing on Albina neighborhood restoration.

Taylor Griggs

 

THE TRASH REPORT

"Raise your hand if you think Greta Gerwig should've won an Oscar!" You can expect this, plus an entire week's full of garbage-y gossip, in the latest hilarious episode of THE TRASH REPORT!  

RODIN ECKENROTH / GETTY IMAGES

 •Portland Eyes Another Round of Water and Sewer Rate Hikes

The Portland Water Bureau and Bureau of Environmental Services say they need to raise rates again to cover rising costs, and construction of the Bull Run Water Treatment plant. Customers could see an 8% jump in water rates and a 5.15% spike in sewer rates.

Portland Water Bureau

Ticket Alert

Rapper Kid Cudi is coming to town with Pusha T and EARTHGANG, Def Leppard will pour some sugar on Portland this September alongside Journey, and say it ain’t so—Weezer has announced their Voyage To The Blue Planet tour with a local stop this fall.  Get your tickets for all these fun events NOW.

Courtesy Kid Cudi

Father Fannie's Funhouse Is Constantly Changing

The latest resident at ILY2 Too in the Lloyd Center Mall, Portland-based artist Father Fannie has filled the space's signature lavender walls with curated artworks and workshops. He calls it Father Fannie’s Funhouse.

 KYE GRANT

Do You Remember Content? The Hotel Room Takeover Art Installation Event Returns

One of the coolest pre-pandemic Portland events is back: "Content" features fashion, design, and art in a constrained but also immersive space: A hotel room.

 JUSTIN KENT, COURTESY OF CONTENT

SAVAGE LOVE

After a lifetime of one-sided relationships, a person finds someone they're attracted to—and starts freaking out! Is this from a lack of confidence, or something more *sinister*? Dan Savage dives deep into this thorny problem in this week's SAVAGE LOVE!

Joe Newton

WOW, THAT IS A LOT OF GOOD READIN'. I hope you didn't have any other plans this weekend! Dig in, and remember: Producing all this hard work costs moolah—so please consider contributing to the Mercury to keep it all coming! Thanks!

EverOut's Guide to Spring 2024 Arts Events in Portland

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If you’re looking for upcoming films, dance, talks, or live music the Mercury has you covered—better than your sunblock. by EverOut Staff

Cherry blossoms aren’t the only feast for the eyes this season, as Portland’s springtime arts scene is blooming with more upcoming delights than your favorite floral sundress. If you’re hoping to cry from joy —not just seasonal allergies—consider screening The People’s Joker. Or keep it weepy as indie mainstay Death Cab for Cutie marks the 20th anniversary of Transatlanticism. And no Portland picnic will be complete without a copy of Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, the latest Everybody Reads pick. Spring is here, and if you’re looking for upcoming films, dance, talks or live music the Mercury has you covered—better than your sunblock. 

FILM

Nostalghia 4K restoration

When presented with the opportunity to see a film by director Andrei Tarkovsky in a movie house, you should take it. In this case, a new 4K restoration by Italian national film school Centro Sperimentale di Cinematografia provides a great opportunity to see Tarkovsky's first film made outside of the Soviet Union. Nostalghia isn't his boldest work, but it's the one where you perhaps get the best feeling of the director's self, as he uses his signature dream sequences and long takes to wrestle with his alienated feelings about leaving Russia—shortly after Nostalghia was released, he vowed he would never return. SUZETTE SMITH

Cinema 21 (starts March 29)

Tag! Queer Shorts Festival 2024

This international festival is celebrating its 11th year of spotlighting the best in queer and trans filmmaking with 51 original short queer films on the lineup. Four intriguing blocks of programming allow viewers to watch films within specific themes, including "Queer Fam," which focuses on families of origin and of choice, "Acting Up," which centers queer resistance efforts, "Ensemble," which includes everything from animation to musical flicks, and a West Coast film block. LINDSAY COSTELLO

Hollywood Theatre (Apr 6–7)

The People's Joker
In many ways, the true diva of The People's Joker has been Warner Bros. Discovery. The massive media giant sent a letter that shut down all but the indie comedy spoof film's premiere screening at the Toronto International Film Festival in 2022. Those who have seen The People's Joker—co-written and directed by comedian Vera Drew—say it's as much or more a trans coming-of-age story than a DC Comics-inspired satire, but we must admit the chance to see Maria Bamford as a (nude?) Lex Luthor-like Lorne Michaels, Tim Heidecker as an Alex Jones-adjacent political chaos personality, and Bob Odenkirk as Bob the Goon is certainly a draw. SUZETTE SMITH

Hollywood Theatre (starts Apr 19)

Indigenous Voices: New Salmon Movies
This engaging crossover between the Hollywood Theatre's EcoFilm Festival and its Indigenous Voices series presents Covenant of the Salmon People, an hour-long documentary about the Nez Perce Tribe and their ongoing struggle to protect wild Chinook salmon that once thrived within their lands. It's shown with a ten-minute documentary short, To Heal a Forest, which introduces the Nuchatlaht Tribe's movement to save an untouched salmon stream from environmental destruction caused by logging in British Columbia. SUZETTE SMITH

Hollywood Theatre (Apr 21)

LIVE MUSIC

Laurie Anderson
Just in time for Women's History Month, pioneering electronic musician and performance artist Laurie Anderson is bringing her groundbreaking works to the Keller Auditorium. Her latest show, Let X = X, revisits songs from her 42-year-long music career with a reinvigorated perspective, spirit, and sound—thanks to her backing band, New York jazz ensemble Sexmob. Anderson is known for her '80s art pop albums full of electronic experiments and spoken-work quips. Some of my favorite Laurieisms include, "I don't know about your brain, but mine is really...bossy" ("Babydoll") and "I met this guy / And he looked like might have been a hat check clerk at an ice rink / Which, in fact, he turned out to be" ("Let X=X"). AUDREY VANN

Keller Auditorium (Fri Mar 29)

Andy Shauf
How many shows do you sell out before you move to a bigger venue? I will not deny that it's going to be flippin' magical to hear Toronto singer-songwriter Andy Shauf within the lofty arches of the Old Church. But they started off with two shows (May 4–5), added one on May 7, and now that's sold out too.  As someone who has seen Shauf live several times, I'll say that within him are two Shaufs: One wants to play the album he just released flawlessly, faithful to the recorded tracks. The other wants to show off whatever new tracks about dire human moments he's currently crafting. We may be far enough from 2023'sNorm—his easy-listening disco album about a god-obsessed stalker—that he'll lend us the latter. SUZETTE SMITH

The Old Church (May 4, 5, 7)

Lizzy McAlpine: The Older Tour
You might know Philly native Lizzy McAlpine from her breakthrough hit single "Ceilings," which went viral on TikTok in spring 2022. (The song sparked a trend in which users lip-synced to the song while running through the rain or snow as the cathartic chorus crescendoes in the background.) But the introspective indie pop singer-songwriter is more than a social media phenomenon—she's proven herself to have a knack for poignant, vulnerable lyrics and an expressive, resonant voice, appearing on duet versions of the dark-night-of-the-soul ballad "Call Your Mom" with folk-pop star Noah Kahan and the clever torch song "You Could Start a Cult" with former One Direction member Niall Horan. I've watched her YouTube cover of the Wheatus classic "Teenage Dirtbag" so many times that it's supplanted the original in my head. She'll stop through Portland on her second headline tour, promoting her third studio album Older. JULIANNE BELL

Theater of the Clouds (Mon May 13)

The Postal Service & Death Cab For Cutie: Give Up & Transatlanticism 20th Anniversary
Ah, an anniversary tour: how elder millennials and Gen Xers measure time now. Long before the Washington-based, Ben Gibbard-fronted bands the Postal Service and Death Cab For Cutie announced a Portland date for the 20th-anniversary tour of Give Up and Transatlanticism, respectively, I snagged tickets for the Seattle show. I never miss a chance to see my lord and savior, Jenny Lewis, after all. Among a sea of flannel and bearded folks, Ben pulled double duty and turned out a rollercoaster of emotions across the two albums, played in their entirety back-to-back. There could be nothing better. JANEY WONG
Moda Center (Wed May 15)

THEATER & PERFORMANCE

White Bird: Sydney Dance Company

Venture outside Portland's hyper-local focused performing arts scene with this single-evening opportunity to see Sydney Dance Company, presented by White Bird. If international dance is something you enjoy, now is a particularly important time to support White Bird, as its founders Walter Jaffe and Paul King (and their still-living cockatoo Barney, the organization's namesake) continue to transition ownership to the new executive director Graham Cole. Named for Latin phrasing for "from within," Sydney Dance's ab [intra] promises "lush cello with ambient electronica" for musical ambiance and movements onstage that explore visceral, impulsive, primal responses. SUZETTE SMITH

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall (Wed Apr 10)

The Second Annual International Booklover's Burlesque Festival

Any lit lover will tell you that reading can be a truly titillating experience. Booklover's Burlesque agrees, and since 2016, they've blended on-stage readings by local writers and actors with sexy, body-positive performances inspired by each written piece. For their second annual International Booklover's Burlesque Festival, they'll stage four days of unique shows that spotlight the written word with a side of salacious burlesque, boylesque, and draglesque acts. LINDSAY COSTELLO 

Multiple locations (Apr 11-14)

The Brother and the Bird

Another dark fairytale hits the stage this spring, courtesy of one of Portland's most exciting theater companies Shaking the Tree. Adapted from a short story by Alissa Nutting—which was itself an adaptation of Grimm's Fairy Tale "The Juniper Tree"—The Brother and the Bird contains all the tabloid stuff of humanity found in stories like Cinderella and myths about Thyestes. You may have read Nutting's story in the 2010 anthology My Mother She Killed Me, My Father He Ate Me: Forty New Fairy Tales, but through the vision of the company's artistic director, Samantha Van Der Merwe, the tale is about to get wilder, darker, and more human than before. SUZETTE SMITH

Shaking the Tree (April 20–May 18)

READINGS & TALKS

Smallpresspalooza
Returning for its 13th year to reaffirm that any event can be a -palooza if the mood is right, Smallpresspalooza will offer up a marathon reading by a dozen small press-published authors. Hosted by Future Tense Books publisher (and Powell's small press champion) Kevin Sampsell, the event will include words by Cee Chávez, Shilo Niziolek, Juleen Eun Sun Johnson, Hope Amico, Libby Rice, Jessica Wadleigh, and others. LINDSAY COSTELLO 

Powell’s City of Books (Sat Mar 23)

Everybody Reads 2024: Gabrielle Zevin
If you follow the goings-on in contemporary literature, you've probably heard more than a few nods to Gabrielle Zevin’s Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, which was released in 2022 to significant fanfare, including New York Times bestseller status and a lofty 4.18 review ranking on Goodreads. In my opinion, one of the book's merits is that it might get your non-reader friends to pick it up: The plot follows three friends who begin a video game company together. (This perked up my partner's ears–try it yourself.) The tome was also the chosen book for the Multnomah County Library's 2024 Everybody Reads program, which offers free copies of the book available at all Multnomah County Library branches. This culminating talk with the author will double as a celebration of "the power of books to create a stronger community." LINDSAY COSTELLO

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall (Thurs Apr 4)

Portland Arts & Lectures: Aimee Nezhukumatathil
My first encounter with poet Aimee Nezhukumatathil's work was 2018's Oceanic, an astonishing nature-inspired collection that felt crystalline and sharp. I've come to rely on Nezhukumatathil's poetry as a reminder that all is not lost—in fact, some things about the world we live in are genuinely all right. You'll find evidence of this in the New York Times bestseller World of Wonders: In Praise of Fireflies, Whale Sharks, and Other Astonishments, which was also a finalist for the Kirkus Prize and the Southern Book Prize. The book is peppered with Fumi Nakamura's organic illustrations, including this very important rendering of an axolotl. LINDSAY COSTELLO

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall (Thurs Apr 18)

Kathleen Hanna: Rebel Girl: My Life as a Feminist Punk
As a longtime student of Riot Grrrl, I've annihilated every piece of literature about the movement that I can get my paws on. Some favorites through my studies have included Sara Marcus's Grrrlsto the Front, Carrie Brownstein's Hunger Makes Me a Modern Girl, and Marisa Meltzer's Girl Power: The Nineties Revolution in Music. Most of these music memoirs and anthologies include the story of the precocious Evergreen State College student Kathleen Hanna, who propelled the movement with the creation of feminist art space Reko Muse, and later, with the trailblazing feminist punk band Bikini Kill. Now, Hanna is telling her story in her own memoir, Rebel Girl: My Life as a Feminist Punk. The book chronicles her life of activism, music, friendships, illness, love, and limitless amounts of determination. Hanna will be joined in conversation by a special guest. AUDREY VANN

Revolution Hall (Thurs May 23)

VISUAL ART

Targeted / 100+ Kites
Inspired by Refaat Al-Areer’s poem If I Must Die (which I implore you to read before continuing to skim this blurb), this installation pays tribute to the journalists and media workers who have documented the unfolding genocide in Gaza. Refaat Al-Areer was a respected Palestinian writer and professor who was killed in an airstrike by the Israeli military on December 6, along with six members of his immediate family. Proceeds from Targeted / 100+ Kites will be donated to Gaza relief efforts (Palestinian Children’s Relief Fund, Committee to Protect Journalists, and Anera specifically). LINDSAY COSTELLO

Performance Works NorthWest (Apr 17–18)

Future Now at Portland Art Museum Unboxes the Future of Sneakers

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Get comfy, folks; the future of sneakers is hedy as all hell. by Corbin Smith

On March 30th, the Portland Art Museum will raise the curtain on Future Now: Virtual Sneakers to Cutting-Edge Kicks, a new exhibit about the various futures imaginable for the world’s most versatile sporting footwear. Our city is the touring exhibition's first stop following its premiere at the Bata Shoe Museum in Toronto.

This feels appropriate since Portland—the birth home of Nike and the American home of Adidas—made the sneaker as we know it today: the omnicultural all-use-all-color-all-people footcage that drives the sneaker-man wild and dominates the field, court, and street alike.

A book designed around the show, written by curator Elizabeth Semmelheck, begins with a material history of shoes and shoemaking—wherein the personalized artisanship of the cobbler dominated the field for many centuries, but was overthrown and tossed into the street by the industrial revolution. The invention of sewing machines, rubber vulcanization, and vinyl made mass market footwear de rigeur by the middle of the 19th century. The 20th century invention of mold injection technology brought the jelly sandal and the classic chunky-heel Doc Martin boot to market. 

In the '70s, running and jogging—professional and amateur manifestations of ‘People trying to go fast”—were alternately stoked and fed by Adidas, Nike, and other shoe companies on a desperate, neverending hunt for lighter, more supportive, more breathable designs and materials. In the '90s, Michael Jordan happened. Because he seemed like he was from space and people desired a piece of his immaculate energy, Nike was driven to make new and wilder manifestations of the Air Jordan every year, and every other sneaker company and major NBA athlete followed in their footsteps. Then, in the aughts, advances in foam injection tech made the Nike Foamposite, sacred camp object, and chefware staple Croc sandal possible.

Ladies and gentlemen: Croc. Courtesy American Federation of Arts and the Bata Shoe Museum

The best parts of the exhibit root themselves in the question of how new material sciences and cultural priorities have driven the shoe object in the recent past and might drive the form in the near future. You’ll see funky multi-colored sneakers made from tightly cross stitched threads, big black high fashion boots made by manipulating iron fillings inside of injected resin, 3D-printed shoes, and wool running shoes, among other things. 

When we asked what material advancement on display was going to go off in the near future, Semmelheck didn’t even think: “Mushroom leather is going to change everything," she said. "It has not been brought to scale yet, so it is not currently a viable material, but it will be in short order. One of the things people have wanted to do and have been unsuccessful at doing is making a leather substitute." There are plenty of reasons why leather has endured, despite being terrible for the environment (and cows). "It is a very breathable material," Semmelheck explained., "it’s very durable, it conforms to our feet after a while, so it makes for comfortable footwear.”

Future Now also looks at the future of footwear in digital spaces, and I found the exhibit's handling of NFTs, ‘Metaverses,’ spaces where you need a public facing avatar, video games, or what have you unimpressive. NFT madness was one of the worst things I have ever been exposed to; it was a pure form of commodity fetish that existed without a commodity whatsoever. 

Semmelheck told me that when she was initially curating the exhibit NFTs were on the peak, and that their inclusion is reflective of that. “Ten years ago, when my eldest would have their friends over, they would spend SO MUCH time dressing the avatars of their characters, almost as much time as they spent playing the game," she explained. "This is a completely artificial space, and yet self representation within that space is of prime importance."

EKTO One Robotic VR boots, 2021. Collection of Brad Factor. Courtesy American Federation of Arts and the Bata Shoe Museum

“It is a new space," Semmelheck said, "and in those new spaces we could, if we chose, do something very interesting. We could challenge all kinds of limitations of our physical bodies, and of how society requires us to function. That is not what has played out in the last couple years.” She is as suspicious of brand interference in digital spaces as someone could be, and even suggested that the expansion of the visual and style life of the internet has, in fact, been regressed by the interference of brands, whose wolfing around the space has made it seem more crass than it necessarily needs to be. “We don’t have our bodies, we don’t have to bring any of those issues with us. But what I am seeing is that we are simply replicating, and that those things,’ virtual self representations, ‘are being commodified.” 

A world where sneaker culture has migrated online is interesting, and worth noting, but not necessarily good. 

In 2020, during peak Covid madness, Semmelheck, like many other people, took up with Animal Crossing, Nintendo’s half-world cultivating / half-design exercise simulator. “I started to collect shoes, and I turned my house into a shoe museum,” she said, essentially rebuilding her job on a digital medium while she was separated from it by nature’s viral raging. In turn, I remember during my personal dalliance with the game, I became fixated on acquiring in-game music celebrity KK Slider’s records and hanging them on my wall, a simulacrum playing of my OWN occasional fixation on record collecting.

Digital spaces cry out for the replication of the material world, even though they don’t have to. The question of where their future is lies in the worlds populated by children who were raised online, in Fortnite madness, or the kaleidoscopic worlds of Roblox. But, Semmelheck claims, the offramps that older people, ones more adapted to a material world, take into these spaces run through our shared material realities, for better or for worse.

Future Now: Virtual Sneakers to Cutting-Edge Kicks is on display at the Portland Art Museum, 1219 SW Park, March 30–August 11, included with general admission, hours and more info at pam.org

Portland Has Two Great Listening Bars, Both Alike in Dignity

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We compare Sonder Listening Bar and Decibel Sound & Drink, and reccomend they swap names. by Robert Ham

The arrival of listening bars—meticulously designed haunts built around the playing of vinyl records on high-end stereo equipment—in the Portland metro area was inevitable. A mainstay of Japanese musical culture since the ’50s (an estimated 600 audiophile cafés and bars are currently in operation there), the concept has been imported to the US over the past few years, with a recent arrival being Shibuya, a hotspot in Seattle’s Ballard neighborhood that opened last fall. 

It was around that same time that Sonder Listening Bar arrived in our neck of the woods. A similarly themed bar Decibel Sound & Drink has been operating in our area since 2019. Both are tucked into somewhat unexpected locales. Sonder can be found in a small Hollywood District strip mall between two resale clothing stores—a block away from the neighborhood’s namesake movie theater. Decibel, meanwhile, is wedged into a corner lot in Milwaukie, close to an Orange Line MAX Station, on the outskirts of the downtown core.

Both spots stick to the basics, plying denizens with craft cocktails and small bites while engulfing their bodies with music. The similarities end there.

The vibes at these spaces are wildly different—so much so that it would really make more sense for them to swap names. Sonder’s owners Tyson Koski and Natasha Stille may call their establishment a listening bar, but they seem to be aiming for a far livelier and more active experience. Since opening last June, they’ve welcomed in an impressive roster of DJs, such as house music legends Mark Grusane and Tony Humphries, and live electronic artists Best Available Technology and Carly Barton. 

“It’s not as stuffy and definitely more social,” Koski said of Sonder, when we spoke in the fall. “In Japan, a lot of [listening bars] are tiny, and they don’t lend themselves to having a small dance floor. I think when you redirect the focus back to the music and exposing people to new music it becomes a very different thing. People feel like they can come back.” 

Koski, himself a former DJ whose massive vinyl library is packed into every available space at Sonder, is the one responsible for putting together the club’s impressive sound system. The mixture of large Bag End and EAW speakers sound crisp and present, even at a moderate volume. When a great selector is working through a set of dance music and the levels are turned up, it feels like your internal organs are getting a deep tissue massage. 

Sonder's DJ booth - Mercury Staff

There is, however, a surprisingly calming quality to the aesthetics of Sonder. Stille has packed the room with plants and charmingly mismatched furnishings. In the glare of the afternoon, it reads as shabby chic. Under the glow of the red and yellow lighting during a dance night, the space has the rough hewn futuristic feel of Blade Runner. The bites on the menu, like a nice spinach and artichoke dip and tacos, read as warm comfort food rather than high end bar fare. 

A more stereotypical listening bar experience can be had over at Decibel. The low lighting, comfy mid century modern couches and chairs, shareable plates, and stacks of stereo equipment magazines encourage patrons to settle in. The cocktails, especially the rotating cast of seasonal fare—like the delectable umami egg nog-like Kung Fu Pandan—are inventive and inviting. 

The inescapable centerpiece of Decibel is its stereo system. The music pumps out through a pair of tube amplifiers—they were made by JJ Electronics, but look like they were rescued from a late ’50s Soviet science lab—that sit atop a cabinet packed with LPs. On either side of this cabinet sit two speakers (each roughly the size of a smart car) that were apparently rescued from a theater in Detroit. 

Over the course of my visit to Decibel, the staff worked through three albums: a 1966 soul / funk gem from Memphis queen Carla Thomas, Scottish singer-songwriter Gerry Rafferty’s hit album City To City, and the Beatles’Abbey Road. Each one sounded spectacular, with the sax solo from Rafferty’s “Baker Street” cutting through the air like a bottle rocket and the revelation of some unexpectedly fresh nuances in well-worn tunes like “Oh! Darling” and “Here Comes The Sun.” 

It was truly hard to tell from just one visit whether the folks scattered around Decibel were there for the music or simply to have a cozy spot to hang on a cold weeknight in March. The only indication that anyone cared about the audio was when two boomer gents were spotted drooling over the tube amps. And when the turntable found a very loud pop on the second side of Abbey Road, the clientele was momentarily snapped out of their reverie and reminded that while Decibel does aim to offer, as they put it, “the highest quality music and audio experience,” even they are at the mercy of life’s little imperfections.

Sonder Listening Bar, 1925 NE 42nd, Ste E, Wednesday-Saturday, 5 pm-2 am, thesonderbar.com; Decibel Sound & Drink, 11380 SE 21st, Milwaukie, Tuesday-Thursday 4 pm-10 pm, decibel-pdx.com

Five Laurie Anderson Songs That Aren’t “O Superman”

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There’s more to this trailblazing musician than the TikTok-famous track; let us guide you. by Audrey Vann

Laurie Anderson has made an awe-inspiring mountain of music across her 40-year career as an experimental, trailblazing artist. You can attach multiple creative practices to her name, but her most well-known song—thanks to radio play from famed BBC DJ John Peel and an unexpected gen-z resurgence that landed her on the TikTok Billboard Top 50—is “O Superman.”

If you scroll, you’ve heard the sample of Anderson’s track; she modulates her voice to an eerie, disembodied being, flatly singing: “Well you don’t know me / but I know you.” She’s questioning justice, safety, power, and technology, but while “O Superman” conceptually floats somewhere in outer space, much of Anderson’s catalog is grounded, warm, and passionate.

Later this month, Anderson is set to perform in town as part of her Let X=X tour and alongside the NYC jazz ensemble Sexmob. The show is set to be a multimedia performance, showcasing her multi-hyphenate status while breathing new life into her extensive catalog.

If you’re new to Anderson, or just looking for a refresh, join us on this crash course primer of songs to add to your queue that aren’t “O Superman.” 

“Let X=X” (1982)

In the musical tradition of iconic opening lines, “Let X=X” has to be my favorite. “I met this guy and he looked like he might have been a hat check clerk at an ice rink,” she ponders. “Which, in fact, he turned out to be.” It’s a line that has lived in my mind since I first heard it at the age of seventeen.

Flipping through a discount bin of records, I looked for albums by female musicians that were priced cheap enough to buy with babysitting money. I went home with a copy of Anderson’s debut, Big Science, hoping that it would sound something like Thomas Dolby’s “She Blinded Me With Science.” And thank god I was wrong about that. 

Like the aforementioned “O Superman,” the song is mesmerizing, playful, and mysterious. It showcases Anderson’s unique word pacing and her signature blend of electronics and classical instruments, foreshadowing what’s to come of her prolific career.

To me, the song has always signified a Beatlesque “Let It Be” type mentality. As if she’s saying, let there be unknowns. Don’t try to solve it. Let X=X. And, with a line like “Your eyes, it’s a days work, just looking into them” there is a sense of playful passion and desire. What does it feel like to be deeply infatuated with another? “I feel like I’m in a burning building” she coos. “And I’ve got to go.” 

“Gravity’s Angel” (1984)

The resonant percussion in this song can only be described as “icy”—like clanking icicles. Contrasting with the spoken word poetry that she’s known for, “Gravity's Angel” begins with Anderson singing in an ethereal falsetto, listing off the positive traits of a lover (presumably the album’s namesake, Mister Heartbreak). “You can dance / You can make me laugh / You've got x-ray eyes…” she goes on. “But I've got one thing,” she offers. “I loved you better.”

The song isn’t a simple ode to a lost love, but a seething breakup speech. She recounts seeing an angel who gives her some advice (“The higher you fly, the faster you fall,” he says) followed by some classic post-breakup realizations (“Well he was an ugly guy with an ugly face”). The next verse features one of my favorite Laurieisms: “Even God got sad just looking at him / And at his funeral all his friends stood around looking sad / But they were really thinking of all the ham and cheese sandwiches in the next room.” The ultimate insult, if you ask me. 

“Babydoll” (1989)

Have you ever been “sitting around trying to write a letter” and racking your brain trying to think of “another word for horse?” This one is for you.

I first listened to this song because of its title—I love songs with lyrics about dolls. Spoiler alert: This song is not about dolls, but an ode to writer's block—something I can relate to. At first listen, I must admit that this song made me feel embarrassed. The instrumentation is gaudy, cheesy, and sort of sounds like the jingle for an ‘80s cruise ship commercial. But, that is its charm. Trust me, this song is so uncool that it’s the coolest song to ever exist.

Lyrically, the song follows a woman’s love affair with her own mind. “I don't know about your brain but mine is really…bossy” she confesses. Using he/him pronouns throughout the song, she describes her mind as a confrontational man who calls her the name “babydoll,” begging her to take him to the movies, a baseball game, or anything that’s not work.

“Poison” (1994)

“Poison” is perhaps Anderson’s eeriest, darkest song. One that could fit in effortlessly on Throbbing Gristle’s 20 Jazz Funk Greats or Suicide’s 1977 self-titled album. It’s a raw, searing portrait of revenge filled with despair, loneliness, and paranoia.

The song recounts an argument where her lover shuts off the lights and goes downstairs to live with a different woman. “Yeah just one floor and a shout away,” her voice echoes. “I guess I should have moved, but I decided to stay.” She plays the role of a scorned lover, living like a pest in her ex’s attic—letting in cold and playing “loud organ music” to seek revenge. “I talk to myself and dream of you…Uh oh!” she sings with Patti Smith-esque punk pacing. She listens to their voices, she hears them playing records, moving furniture, and “fooling around.” 

She questions her sanity, asking herself “Did I drink some poison?” Or “Do something in another lifetime that was really really mean?” Asking once more “Is there blood on my hands?” The story ends with a chilling, unresolved mantra that seemingly recalls one of her earliest recorded songs, “A small bullet / A piece of glass / And your heart / Just grows / Around it.”

"Thinking Of You" (2010)

Before we knew Laurie Anderson for her pioneering electronic music, she played violin with the Chicago Youth Symphony. While she continues to use electronic violin in her music, 2010’s “Thinking Of You” is one of her most traditional classical pieces to precede her work with the Kronos Quartet on Landfall (2018). “Thinking of You” is a glittering, frosty meditation on transformation that could easily fit on a mixtape with Yoko Ono’s “Listen, the Snow Is Falling,” John Cale’s “Paris 1919,” and other introvert yuletide classics. 

Staccato bow strokes descend like snowflakes as Anderson sets the scene: “Snow flies around / Surrounds my town / It knocks us down / It's falling on the circus / Falling on my little hometown.” In her world, the snowfall is chaotic, beautiful, and transformative. 

As the storm begins to settle, there are moments of gratitude for her baby, life, and body, as well as her “power and fear and strife.” The strings slowly fade. “I was thinking of you” Anderson repeats. “And then I wasn't thinking of you anymore.” The snow melts.

Bonus: “Call on Me” - Lou Reed feat. Laurie Anderson (2003)

Lou and Laurie collaborated on many songs during their 20+ year relationship, including co-producing, co-writing, and playing on tracks like “One Beautiful Evening,”“My Right Eye,”“Only an Expert,”“Rouge,”“Rock Minuet,” and “Hang On to Your Emotions.” However, there are only a handful of songs in which they sing together: Anderson’s “In Our Sleep,” the unreleased “Gentle Breeze,” and Reed’s “Call on Me.” 

“Call on Me” is a gentle, acoustic duet containing some of Reed’s most transcendent lyrics: “Caught in the crossbow of ideas and journeys / Sit here reliving the other self's mournings / Caught in the crossbow of ideas and dawnings / Stand I.” His voice quivers and shakes with the utmost sincerity. 

Anderson’s voice comes in with her signature crystalline spoken word style: “A wild being from birth / My spirit spurns control / Wandering the wide earth / Searching for my soul / Dimly peering / I would surely find / What could there be more purely bright/ In truth's day-star.” 

The song closes with some of Anderson’s most stunning vocals, repeating the chorus acapella-style as if she’s singing directly to Reed. “Why didn’t you call on me?” she asks, as if to acknowledge the self’s tendency to suffer in isolation, unaware that there is someone nearby wanting to lend a hand. 

PDX Jazz presents Laurie Anderson at Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay, Fri, March 29, 8 pm, $54.75 - $95, tickets here, all ages


Peachy Springs Is Portland's Premiere Hard-Working, Foul-Mouthed Bingo Drag Queen

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Bingo is the happy medium between party vibes and relaxed game night with your friends. by Andrew Jankowski

Peachy Springs cusses out a baby, at her Tuesday night bingo game at the Alberta neighborhood bar Bye and Bye.

“Is that a fucking baby?!” she asks the packed bar through her bedazzled mic. “Are you leaving? This is a family unfriendly show.”

However, as it turns out, the game Springs is hosting started at 7 pm, so the baby is—for the moment—allowed. And the baby turns out to be the son of her friend. 

Upon realizing this, Springs cackles, lighting up the room with her braying register; it's somewhere between a Mark Hamill Joker and Trixie Mattel. Cheers from the heated patio come across muffled to the cavernous main room, but it's obvious she's working the whole space. Her fans have come to expect this kind of lightly offensive humor from one of Portland’s hardest working bingo hosts. 

“It’s the dichotomy of the stress of bingo and the filthiest jokes you’ll ever hear,” Springs told the Mercury, of her bingo series’ appeal. “It’s a very high-high, low-low cut of the release of stress, but I think people also come for the jokes.” 

Springs hosts nearly a dozen bingo nights every month at trendy neighborhood bars across Portland. She hit it off early with Three on a Match Group bars, including Paydirt, Tough Luck, and Holy Ghost and hosts one-off nights here and there at dedicated queer bars like Back2Earth and Astoria’s Xanadu.

“My whole goal, with my calendar, is you can go to my website or Instagram, find my schedule, pick any bar, and it will be a good bar. Almost Peachy-approved,” she said. “I try to pick places that people would enjoy coming to, so the aesthetic of the bar and the cocktail menu are super important to me.” 

Attendees come for two tight hours, and play for cash prizes. They stay for Springs’ delightfully abusive crowd work, her lewd and crude sense of humor, and her dedication to mid-century show tune classics. She holds court with the glamor of Barbra Streisand or Liza Minnelli fresh from a disco nap, and dresses like a Nancy Sinatra backup singer: flowy, shimmering gold dresses, a coiffed blonde wig, and a drag-world version of light, natural makeup.

Part of her humor is couched in the art of the embarrassing story—where she's generally the butt of her own jokes. Veteran players proudly call out details about her first sexual encounter like they’re about to win Trivial Pursuit. She estimates that the majority of her audience, on her regular nights, are returning players.

“The neighborhood gays have found me, but the neighborhood straights have found me too,” Springs said.

2019 was Springs' first year in drag, and she described going from bar to bar, offering her bingo hosting at trendy pubs as a free trial. Her first games started slowly, but on the other side of pandemic lockdown, the pubs became the ones pursuing her, as she packed her game nights with followers. 

“The first time I got paid $150, I thought I was RuPaul,” Springs reminisced. She has since raised her rates.

During shut down Springs performed remotely, leading online games with Zoom rooms of up to 600 people. She secured corporate gigs, hosting digital bingo parties for the employees of major media and technology companies, and parlayed those into live events for local corporations. She now officiates weddings, and says her wildest gig to date was hosting in the aisles of the now-closed Galleria Target for Portland State University’s new student week.

Before getting into drag, Springs was a student at Pacific Northwest College of Art, working towards a dream of designing rollercoasters. Her college-era job was as a host of Brew Cycle rides, steering party bikes of revelers through the Pearl District. Eventually she realized she was far more interested in cultivating party atmospheres and immersive experiences.

Hosting bingo seemed like a natural next move; Springs says she grew up playing it on family trips and still loves the activity.

“It’s a very simple game, and you still get a night out with the people you came with. Once there’s money on the line, it gets a little more serious, and people play," she explained. "With trivia, you have to focus so hard. With karaoke, it’s really loud, so you can’t hear your friends unless they're singing. Bingo is the happy medium between party vibes and relaxed game night with your friends."

Booking, promoting, and glamming up for her games currently occupies most of Springs’ time, but she’ll soon be branching out beyond the bingo card. Springs will pack up her ball cage for Jesus as she hosts Tough Luck’s Easter Sunday Brunch on March 31 with a cast of local drag artists, including Flawless Shade, Blossom Drearie, Henny, and Ry Bred.

Peachy Springs hosts Easter Sunday Brunch at Tough Luck, , Sun March 31, 11 am, $12-15 (does not include brunch), tickets here, 18 and up

The Mercury's 2024 Spring Arts Preview: Spotlight On!

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Portland's premiere bingo queen and the soon-to-arrive avant garde sneakers show are ready for their close up. by Suzette Smith

It's nice out, Portland. That nuclear fusion baddie up above is shining a seasonal spotlight on our hemisphere. And in that spirit, we at the Mercury are focusing our view on projects worthy of your sprung-forward time—in our 2024 🌸Spring Arts Preview 🌼!

It may seem cutesy that we're profiling Peachy Springs. But if you know about the sparkling, sassing Springs, you're probably shouting, "It's about time!" Her drag name may be on brand for our guide, but Springs' penchant for insult crowd work has made her one of Portland's premier drag performers. Andrew Jankowski's profile opens with her cussing out a baby.

You may be familiar with the concept of a listening bar—there was plenty of noise about one opening in Seattle last fall—but did you know we have TWO such establishments in the Portland-area? Robert Ham compares the overall audiophile vibes.

But what's opening this spring? Our EverOut calendar team profiled events that you should put in your calendar—or you can just use that function on our calendar where you ❤️ something you're interested in, and we'll email you when it's time to go!

At the end of March, the Portland Art Museum will host a new, traveling exhibition called Future Now: Virtual Sneakers to Cutting-Edge Kicks. We're the first city to get it after the Toronto debut. "This feels appropriate," write's critic Corbin Smith, "since Portland—the birth home of Nike and the American home of Adidas—made the sneaker as we know it today."

If you've kicked it with experimental music, you've likely heard of Laurie Anderson. And even if you haven't, you've probably at least a snippet of the music pioneer's most famous song, via the TikTok "well, you don't know me / but I know you" trend. That's Anderson's "O, Superman." Our music calendar editor Audrey Vann writes that "O, Superman" isn't the greatest example of Anderson's work, because much of her catalog is more "grounded, warm, and passionate." She's got five songs that are not "O, Superman" which you should check out before Anderson plays Portland at the end of the month.

So what are you waiting for? Time to trade in those skinny jeans for skinny jorts, and start soaking up a springful of arts and culture!

Good Morning, News: Students Walk Out for Palestine, JoAnn Fabrics Files for Bankruptcy, and Trump Can't Find Anyone to Cover His $464M Bond (Hee-Hee-Hee 😃)

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by Wm. Steven Humphrey

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! If you loved this weekend's gorgeous weather, you're gonna get it for TWO more days, with sunny skies and highs in the mid-70s. And then? It all goes to shit again starting on Wednesday. 😭 Looks like it's back into the drawer for you, impossibly short shorts! 😭 And now for some impossibly short descriptions of today's NEWS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Hundreds of Portland Public School district students walked out of class and to the district's headquarters on Friday to protest the continuing war against Gaza and remember the more than 30,000 Palestinians who have been killed thus far. They also demanded that school officials create a curriculum to teach all grades about settler colonialism and Palestine, to openly denounce Israel's murderous war, and to cut ties with companies who are complicit in continuing the Israeli occupation of Palestinian territory.

Trees planted in honor of loved ones who died during 2021 Pacific Northwest heat dome https://t.co/C0feJY1orC

— KGW News (@KGWNews) March 17, 2024

• According to a new report, Portland's Office of Community and Civic Life did a crap job  managing the historic Kenton Firehouse—which for years has served as a community arts hub—and neglected to collect rent from tenants for the past two years, including state Rep. Travis Nelson (D—44) who apparently has not been paying rent for his offices in the building. Our Courtney Vaughn has more on this sticky wicket!

• If you're looking for a new building to house your roller skating rink/concert venue (that's my idea, but you can have it), you may want to take a peek at the old Sears building that's on the east end of the Lloyd Center Mall, which is currently for sale after the Texas company that owns that particular part of the building filed for bankruptcy. (And apparently there's no minimum bid! 🤑)

• Prick up those ears, food lovers! Sebastiano's has a new home in Sellwood, Rangoon Bistro's opened a second restaurant, Bar Norman bids adieu, and a new bar plans to take over the Sweet Hereafter space. It's the week in PORTLAND FOOD NEWS! 

The first feature film from comedian Julio Torres is a bizarre, but remarkably honest, account of what it’s like to live in the US as a certain kind of immigrant.https://t.co/QNZ7bm68k2

— Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) March 15, 2024

IN NATIONAL / WORLD NEWS:

• Today in "uh-oh," the Supreme Court will be taking up a case in which Republican states are challenging the federal government over how much control they can assert over lying, dangerous social media posts—such as the ones which threatened the lives of millions during the pandemic. The federal government countered that they have never hindered free speech or threatened the liars in any way—which is likely because Republican snowflakes think that anyone who calls them out on their bullshit is "attacking" them. (Somebody get those babies a sugar titty!)

• Surprise! Vladimir Putin has once again been reelected as the president of Russia after winning a "landslide" election in which any real competition was either scrubbed from the ballot, imprisoned, or killed. While many Russian citizens protested the scam election by showing up en masse to voting locations at noon on Sunday (as proposed by recently—and suspiciously—deceased activist Alexei Navalny as a demonstration of dissent), there was nothing to be done as the country is firmly in the grasp of autocratic rule. (Like a certain other country I could name, if things don't go well this coming November.)

• Trump's increasingly dire financial woes are finally catching up to him, as his lawyers claim he's unable to find any insurance company that will cover the $464 million bond he's been ordered to pay in his New York civil fraud case. And while he's unable to raise the cash to secure a bond during his appeal of the case, his lawyers say Trump's many properties are there for the taking if he's eventually unable to pay his fine. (OKAY JUST TAKE THEM NOW.)

Donald Trump has so far been unable to obtain a bond that would allow him to appeal a $454 million judgment against him in a New York civil fraud case without posting the full amount himself, his lawyers said https://t.co/eJ6QR21MDDpic.twitter.com/1D91zcY6a1

— Reuters (@Reuters) March 18, 2024

• Terrible news for crafters like me: Longtime, beloved fabric and craft store JoAnn is filing for bankruptcy after years of being hobbled by online competition. The much better news is that the company does not plan to shutter any of its 829 stores nationwide—which means I won't be forced to shop at the damnable Michael's, or worse still, the creepy Christian-run Hobby (UGH!!!!) Lobby. (Yes, I know there are plenty of great local craft & sewing shops where I also spend my moderately hard-earned money, but no one will ever replace the soft spot I have in my heart for JoAnn's. 😢)

• I guess she's feeling better?

pic.twitter.com/jgiGCXlpzn

— paige (@BonerWizard) March 17, 2024

• For those who were bemoaning the loss of Sports Illustrated, rejoice... the print and digital version of the magazine will resume publication after being purchased by Minute Media, which also runs The Players’ Tribune and FanSided. No word yet on whether the 80 unionized staffers who were laid off two months ago will regain their jobs.

• And finally... if there's a hornier way to play basketball, I'm standing by to see it!

There’s a Russian version of basketball where you can suplex your opponent…
pic.twitter.com/MrByWG84sS

— Dexerto (@Dexerto) March 17, 2024

The Top 35 Events in Portland This Week: Mar 18–24, 2024

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Ian Karmel, Portland Tartare Tour, and More Top Picks by EverOut Staff

There's a lot to do and see this week and no time to waste—we've done the heavy lifting by compiling the very best things to do, with events from Ian Karmel to the Portland Tartare Tour and from The Moth Presents: The Portland GrandSLAM to the opening weekend of the Wooden Shoe Tulip Festival.

MONDAY LIVE MUSIC

Fear No Music: Iran/America - Common Themes, Different Worlds
In honor of Women's History Month, chamber music ensemble Fear No Music has joined forces with the Iranian Female Composers Association (Niloufar Nourbaksh, Aida Shirazi, and Anahita Abbasi) and Black American composers Brittany J. Green, Jordyn Davis, and Shelley Washington, to compare and contrast the themes of their respective compositions. AUDREY VANN
(The Old Church, Downtown)

Spring 2024 Gallery Shows in Portland: A Chorus of Art About Work

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Great curations from Jeremy Okai Davis and Morgan Ritter, and the upside down server case we all can't stop talking about. by Ashley Gifford Peterson

Looking at this season of spring gallery shows, we are reminded that art is all at once political, speculative, and personal. At the top of our list are interesting curations: Jeremy Okai Davis presents work by his contemporaries at Nationale, and Morgan Ritter pairs up painstaking hand-punctured cotton abstracts by Ash Wyatt with Jean Isamu Nagai's textured landscapes at ARTspace. The interdisciplinary cohort show of past and current gallery workers at PDX Contemporary feels full of subdued and idiosyncratic connections. Solitary shows, that caught our eye skewed more conceptual, like Ido Radon's suspension of computer server parts from the ceiling of ILY2. And there's so much more to say about what we saw:

Work After Work 

Too often we shy away from the reality that artists have day jobs or work in the art sector behind the scenes. Between shifts and sleep, many employees who work in the arts are also artists themselves. This group show brings together past and current gallery workers at PDX Contemporary—showcasing their talent, vision, and creativity, via painting, photography, and sculpture. (PDX Contemporary, 1881 NW Vaughn, through March 30, pdxcontemporaryart.com)

California, Ido Radon

Modern technology collides with the natural realm, all across Ido Radon’s solo exhibition. Using materials such as solar panels, recycled PC cases, and cabinets, Radon forged sculptures intertwined with organic substances like rabbit fur. There's a sculpture dangling from the gallery ceiling above a mirror, like an inverted city of Kandor or a miniature Castle Said to Hold Eternity. Is the mirror the way to view "Server," stuck starkly above? An installation of nylon ropes, wires, and bamboo beads intermingle and dangle suspiciously on the wall nearby as if you're invited to climb up there for a closer look. (ILY2, 925 NE Flanders, through Sat March 30, ily2online.com) 

Mélange, curated by Jeremy Okai Davis 

Accomplished illustrator and graphic designer Jeremy Okai Davis has been guest curating a group exhibition of his contemporaries in Nationale's project room for a week in February and all of March. His introductions include: Rebecca Boraz’s woodcut prints of figures embracing, Maria Britton's cascading watercolor draperies that hang suspended in motion, Anthony R. Grant's bold graphics, text, and photos in dynamic collage, and Chris Lael Larson’s ambiguous paintings, which still manage to conceal representational elements within their vivid kaleidoscopic shades. (Nationale, 15 SE 22nd, through Sun March 31, nationale.us)

"Vasija" by Iván Carmona, part of Work After Work at PDX Contemporary "Server" by Ido Radon at ILY2 "Against the Wall" by Jay Lynn Gomez and Patrick Martinez - at Jordan Schnitzer Museum of Art at PSU Labor of Love

The work of those who care for children or family members, who collect the produce we eat, who maintain the cleanliness and atmosphere of public spaces, among a myriad of other such professions, is largely hidden from public sight. The artists of this show contemplate invisible labor, those who perform it, and the forces responsible for keeping it from view, highlighting that these types of positions are often held by marginalized individuals or communities. Consideration of these constructs unearths the inherent inequalities and oppression that exist within them in the United States. Labor of Love appears to take its name from a mural by Jay Lynn Gomez and Patrick Martinez, which shows a worker cleaning the tile of the mural itself; the worker's figure is both part of the mural and bursting outside the frame. Sculptures by Tannaz Farsi and Midori Hirose are more oblique, but speak through their materials. Also in the show are pieces by Tania Candiani, Charlene Liu, Alberto Lule, Narsiso Martinez. (Jordan Schnitzer Museum of Art at PSU,1855 SW Broadway, through Sat April 27, pdx.edu/museum-of-art)

Elements and Objects - at Elizabeth Leach Elements and Objects, Anna Von Mertens

Anna Von Mertens's meticulous colored-pencil drawings on black paper arrange illustrative icons of our everyday life. In the series Objects (100 Emojis), her placement of items like a feather, plunger, toothbrush, safety pin, etc. mimics quilting patterns. In Remnants, UV-sensitive paper and tangled jewelry form the backdrop of drawings that, according to the reception notes, "[reference] the generative life cycles of stars." Also on view at Elizabeth Leach, is a collection from the estate of Lee Kelly, Bennington Suite & Color Studies, which presents sculpture and watercolor pieces from different points in the artist's long career. Paired together, the 2D paintings and 3D geometric sandstone structural forms illustrate Kelly's mastery over either realm of expression. (Elizabeth Leach, 417 NW 9th, through April 27, elizabethleach.com)

"Cuerpo de la Piedra (en al die)" by Ash Wyatt, at ARTSPACE Moon Rabbit, Jean Isamu Nagai, Ash Wyatt

Both Jean Isamu Nagai and Ash Wyatt make tremendously textured work, evoking abstracted landscapes where there may be none. Nagai’s mystical, pointillistic color field paintings reference the subtle interconnectedness of moments in time. Wyatt’s high-contrast images are made of soft materials like horsehair, wool, cotton, and vintage linens, and channel the natural spaces their ancestors traversed without specificity. Curator Morgan Ritter unites their work for this show, overlapping the artist's respective approaches of using tactile, painstaking process to capture images of the infinite. (ARTspace, 1711 SE 10th, through May 10, artscouncillo.org/onviewnow)

THE TRASH REPORT: George Santos on Taylor Swift, Me on Oprah, and Cops on Hot Mics

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All the latest gossip... sterilized for your protection. by Elinor Jones

Hello, and welcome back to The Trash Report! I'm Elinor Jones, writing this on a Sunday afternoon with a margarita in my hand and no fucks to give. Will the column be worse than usual? I don't know that, but I do know that I was absolutely blotto on Vitamin D while I wrote it. I hope every last one of you also enjoyed the first of the three weekends of Portland spring when you think that this will be the year that you get good at gardening. 

Now, onto the gossip!

1989 > 2024

The conversation about whether Taylor Swift will endorse Joe Biden has dimmed somewhat in recent days, but disgraced former New York congressman George Santos wouldn't let that messy fire go out. On Saturday he tweeted the following: 

I see @taylorswift13 endorsing @JoeBiden for president. I mean I see how this makes sense since 95% of her songs are about choosing the wrong guy.

I guess we can all expect a Taylor Swift revenge song on Biden in 2025…

🤣🤣🤣

— George Santos (@MrSantosNY) March 16, 2024

This is a cheap grab at headlines which shows a fundamental misunderstanding of Swift's songwriting. In this column, I will (loud chainsaw sounds cut with music box melodies cut with growling tigers cut with an a capella children's chorus singing a funeral song slowly and offkey) which proves that Swift's lyricism is not inherently that of a scorned lover, and why "invisible string" off folklore is a clear analogy for her cautious yet overtly leftist public political stances. Thank you. *accepts PhD.*

The Princess Bride of Frankenstein

WHAT is up with those royals? Kate Middleton is still nowhere to be seen and the messy bitches at Kensington Palace either live for drama or are very, very stupid. Her rift with her sister-in-law Meghan Markle was widely known, but honestly, if she's not dead or in a coma, Kate is probably thanking her lucky stars that Meg used this time to launch her highly normie brand this week. This gave gossip sluts like us at least one small distraction from wondering what kind of plastic surgery she got, and how badly it went. Meg's new line of—well, we're not sure what, exactly—is called American Riviera Orchard. Err, what? Are you telling me that his family plundered all those riches just to pull together focus groups that signed off on that shit? It's like Coco Chanel always used to say: When naming a brand, always take off the last pointless gibberish word you put on. Check this out: American Orchard. Riviera Orchard. Orchard Riviera. American Riviera. All of these are better brand names! These people simply must get some haters on staff. 

Look, I’m no detective - but if I was trying to find a missing middle-aged rich lady who was tired of her shitty husband, I’d at least *ask* Pete Davidson.

— Eliza Skinner #wgastrong (@elizaskinner) March 16, 2024

Up in S-meow-k

Supermodel Cara Delevingne's Los Angeles home caught fire last week. Initial reports stated that her two cats had not yet been found, but then later, they were found. Swear to god, those 90 seconds in between learning that Cara Delevingne had two cats that may have died in a house fire and then finding out that they were okay were some of the longest 90 seconds of my life. I did not realize that my ability to care about anything could spring into action so quickly. The hero of the story of Cara Delevingne's house story is, interestingly, me, for discovering the depths of my compassion. Thank you, Cara. Thank you, firefighters. And thank you, nameless celebrity cats. While the cats are safe, we've yet to hear about the status of her home's famed ball pit and vagina tunnel

Also totally annihilated are the relations between Kelly Clarkson and her no-good ex-husband. The two are back in court again, with Clarkson demanding that her ex return some of the fees she paid to him as her "manager" when clearly her raw talent and depthless charm did all the heavy lifting there. He was never even a certified talent agent. He was, in every sense of the phrase, just some fuckin'guy. The nerve.

Every news story about Andy Cohen the past two weeks has just been like “This guy is a good hang”https://t.co/K6zdjfju69

— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) March 15, 2024

Oprah has been in the news this week both for ditching Weight Watchers and for wearing $3,000 pants with a ginormous zipper. Is it better to have been an investor in a fat-shaming company and then bailed once injectables rendered the diet industry useless, than to never have been rich enough to buy $3,000 jeans at all? The way I see it, she could have afforded the jeans regardless, so let's all enjoy the zipper and forget Oprah's long and complicated history with the wellness industry, mmmmkay?

What is Kesha up to?

Kesha is doing well and radiating happiness for the first time in a long time. This isn't gossip as much as an important public service announcement. Kesha. Pay attention! 

Local Trash

Another week, another chunk of a Boeing aircraft has fallen out of the sky. The latest incident was on a United flight from San Francisco to Medford (why is Oregon involved in so many of these? I do not like.) when an outer piece of the fuselage noped off of there, exposing wires and other probably very important engineering components to the elements. No one was injured, and in fact nobody even knew about the issue until they landed and realized the plane was partially disrobed. A Winnie the Plane look, if you will. But not to worry, United said "we'll conduct a thorough examination of the plane and perform all needed repairs before it returns to service." That's right, she's going back to the sky! Fingers crossed it's not your next flight!

Our friends at the Willamette Week shared a transcript of audio taken of Portland Police during a 2019 Proud Boys protest and counter-protest during which officers are heard looking for reasons to arrest folks on the left, and then stopping recording once they realize that they are being recorded. And like, we all knew that something like this was happening, it's still shocking to read in its blatancy: "I know it might be a stretch, but if we could arrest a couple people for discon...." Not cool at all! Later in the recording (and bless the WW for sharing this) the cops talk about lunch, and that special moment that sometimes happens at work when someone picks up lunch, but you've already brought your lunch, so you get double lunches. Here, I'll just share that whole part: 

Airman 1: Just tell Josh you need to swap out; he’s probably getting sandwiches. I’ll split mine with you.

Airman 2: I brought another lunch. Double the lunches.

Double the lunches. Honestly, I've never related to a cop more. 

That's all for this week, Trash Pandas. I am going to sit outside with my solar panels wide open Wall-E-style and re-up my serotonin before the next phase of winter chokes us mercilessly until a point in June when we start thinking that humans simply were not meant to live like this. You can do it. I believe in you! Take comfort in knowing that few places appreciate sunshine like we do. I'm obnoxiously grateful for your time and friendship.

In excellence,

Good Morning, News: Another Boeing Plane Found in Disrepair, the Race to Revive Supersonic Jets, and the Portland Pickles are Opening a Bar

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by Courtney Vaughn

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! We’re in for another day of sublime weather as we hit the first day of spring this week. Enjoy the false spring (local weather, we know you too well) while it lasts, before rain makes its grand return later this week.

In LOCAL NEWS:

  • The Mercury'sSpring Arts Preview is heeeeere! Learn more about one of Portland's sassiest drag queens, stay in the know about upcoming cool things, and explore features of the city you probably didn't know existed. This guide is lovingly curated by our arts & culture editor, Suzette Smith.

    It's nice out, Portland. That nuclear fusion baddie up above is shining a seasonal spotlight on our hemisphere. And in that spirit, we're focusing our view on projects worthy of your sprung-forward time—in our 2024 🌸Spring Arts Preview 🌼! https://t.co/Se0ZuU44PW

    — Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) March 18, 2024
  • Apparently nice weather makes the city go nuts. Early Sunday, Portland Fire & Rescue responded to a fire AND a shooting at the same time. Oof. A literal dumpster fire broke out at an apartment complex in Northeast Portland early Sunday morning, spreading to nearby apartments. Portland Fire & Rescue says no one was injured, but five units are now uninhabitable. While fire crews were on scene, a shooting was reported about four blocks away outside Capitol Bar. Firefighters responded to the scene and transported a patient to a hospital by ambulance. Another patient was taken to a hospital in a private vehicle.
  • An older model Boeing 737 plane was found to be missing a panel on Friday after a United Airlines flight from San Francisco to Medford. The airport’s leader said the missing panel was found on a post-flight inspection after the plane landed safely without incident. The missing part is the latest in a series of mishaps with Boeing planes. In January, an emergency exit door blew off a Boeing Max 9 jet shortly after taking off from PDX. Soooo…where are we at with those bullet trains?

    4:20am airport pickup 🚕✈️pic.twitter.com/cwNq2cWv50

    — Trixie Mattel™ (@trixiemattel) March 18, 2024
  • In a very Portland-appropriate announcement, the Portland Pickles collegiate baseball team will open what they’re calling a “giant sports bar” on Mississippi Ave this week. The Portland Pickles Pub will feature “an extensive selection of beverages, including local craft beers and specialty cocktails, while the menu will feature a curated selection of the best stadium dogs from Dodger Dogs to Fenway Franks.” The pub will also offer a three-story game screen, dozens of games, and over 10 TV screens, KGW reports.

    Learn more about the historic opening here:https://t.co/gN8sUFvrZQ

    — Portland Pickles (@picklesbaseball) March 18, 2024

In NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

  • Let's circle back on how crummy flying has gotten. Daydream with me, because private companies are renewing efforts to bring supersonic travel to passengers. Supersonic jets travel faster than the speed of sound, meaning a person could travel the world in a fraction of the time it takes with traditional aircraft. The last time a commercial supersonic jet was in use was 2003, when the Concorde ceased flying. The jets are expected to seat 64 to 80 passengers, and some companies say they could eventually become affordable to the general public. Supersonic aircraft makers say they’re finding ways to make the jets more climate friendly, by using alternative fuel, but critics say that’s bogus. 

    There hasn’t been a commercial supersonic passenger jet since the Concorde stopped flying in 2003. Since then, supersonic jets have been used primarily by the military.

    But the unveiling of the X-59 model comes as a growing number of private companies are vying to bring back…pic.twitter.com/TiRI6JZYiy

    — The Washington Post (@washingtonpost) March 18, 2024

  • President Biden wants you to know he cares about women. The president signed an executive order Monday that calls for more robust data collection and more funding for biomedical research that could bolster research on women’s health. Biden alluded to the issue in his recent State of the Union address. As the AP reminds readers, the federal government didn’t mandate women be included in federally funded medical research until the 1990s. “[For] most of medical history, though, scientific study was based almost entirely on men.” Worth noting: In recent years, the US has seen an uptick in maternal mortality rates, which is surprising for a developed, industrialized nation. Researchers also note Black women are more likely to die from childbirth complications than white women.
  • The US Supreme Court is scheduled to hear arguments in a case that could test the limits of free speech laws when it comes to government officials. Oddly, the ACLU is representing the NRA in a case that challenges whether a New York financial regulator overstepped her role when warning insurance to “continue evaluating and managing their risks, including reputational risks, that may arise from their dealings with the NRA or similar gun promotion organizations.” Check out this handy Vox breakdown of the issue.

And now, for some irrelevant humor.

      View this post on Instagram            

A post shared by Flashback 90’s (@officialflashback90s)


SAVAGE LOVE: Dom and Dommer

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She's been dominating him and he seems to love it... is this a problem or the beginning of a beautiful (and hot) relationship? by Dan Savage I’m having a weird reaction to someone I’m involved with. I find myself wanting to punish him for the slightest transgressions and scold him or give him the silent treatment until he apologizes. The poor guy hasn’t done anything very wrong — nothing wrong wrong — he’s just failed to meet my unreasonably high expectations for him. To make matters worse, we seem to have fallen into some sort of roleplay, verbally at least, where I order him around. He seems to want me to punish him and give him orders and I’m doing both, but I’ve never been a Dom or had a sub or whatever it is we’re doing. Honestly, I’m confused about what we’re doing but he seems to be inviting it somehow. How do I navigate this? Problems Understanding Nuances In Situationship Here “This situation reminds Me of the kinkster classic Secretary,” said The Funny Dom.…

[ Read more ]

Ian Karmel's Memoir T-Shirt Swim Club Covers the Comedian's Weight Loss and the Immaculate Snacks of His Youth

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His two stand-up shows at Revolution Hall will steer clear of memoir material, but probably still include funny party stories. by Suzette Smith

Shortly after I finished T-Shirt Swim Club, I worked out. Which isn't to say that the first book by comedian Ian Karmel advised me to do that. There's just a genuine pump-up quality to Karmel's memoir, which he co-wrote with his sister, Dr. Alisa Karmel. 

T-Shirt Swim Club is, as Karmel described to the Mercury during an interview, "a journey through a lifetime of being fat." Plot twist: Karmel has slimmed down significantly over the course of several years—though partly shrouded by the pandemic—going from 420 pounds to something in the neighborhood of 230. He describes this in the book as: "I’m the person who went from 420 pounds down to 219 pounds, and back up to 240 pounds, and back down to 223 pounds, and back up to 250 pounds, and back down to 230."

At his two upcoming Portland stand-up shows, on March 23, you're not likely to hear about Karmel's physical changes… well, you're not likely to hear about his weight changes. He'll still be talking about his health. He told us the new show is, "about confronting getting older," then laughed, "all the fun stuff."

"I was a pretty wild dude for a long time in terms of drugs, alcohol, partying, and living," he said. "So, I could not conceive of a world where I lived until 50. I don't think it was a conscious thought, but now I'm realizing I've treated my body very poorly. And being on the other side of that, I'm looking at life, and all the other things about aging—like not being able to party anymore."

Karmel grew up in Beaverton, was the first-ever Portland's Funniest Person, and wrote a longstanding column for the Mercury called Portland As Fuck. His clever comedy earned him a job writing for Chelsea Handler’s late-night show Chelsea Lately, and he eventually worked his way up to the position of head writer on The Late Late Show with James Corden. 

Somewhere in all that professional success, Karmel's first comedy album 9.2 on Pitchfork came out on indie record label Kill Rock Stars. Now, nearly a decade later, the special he's about to record will be only his second.

And while he says material from the book isn't in the show, themes of the show are certainly present in his book. Concern about his partying-shortened lifespan was a major catalyst for Karmel to embrace "boring habits," like working out and eating healthier. "We can and should talk about how BMI is bad and biased, but biased studies don't make you more susceptible to heart attacks and strokes," he writes in a chapter titled "Regarding the Heart Attack I Thought I Was Having."

There's an element of weight-loss journey to T-Shirt Swim Club, but a strong current of body positivity runs through it. Though the name of the book is rooted in body shame, Karmel's relationship to being fat hasn't always been wholly negative. 

The memoir  moves through various phases of his life, like the joyful snacking of his youth: "The snacks were immaculate. Dunkaroos, Fruit by the Foot, and Lunchables roamed the earth." He segues into a measured, positive reinforcement he received in high school, as a defensive tackle, but remains troubled that his body "was only accepted on the condition that it absorbed and delivered pain for other people’s amusement."

In college, Karmel added alcohol to his excesses, and T-Shirt Swim Club contains hilarious, epic party stories, such as: "I tried to put my arm around the most important looking cop so I could tell him that my landlord was just being a prick… and my friend Nic had to lure me back to the house with a tub of imitation crab."

Like many memoirists, Karmel wants to recount his pitfalls and wins to make the reader laugh and additionally impart useful experience. But he shies away from the role of advice-giver; T-Shirt Swim Club is more a cautionary tale—or simply a tale—than a ten step program. 

Karmel could have shirked responsibility completely—told a bunch of wild stories, and bounced. Instead he included the second part of the book, which was written by his sister Dr. Alisa Karmel, a doctor of psychology who also possesses two masters degrees, one in child psychology and the other in nutrition.

Dr. Karmel's second half of the book carries a personable, responsible tone. She addresses subjects like fad diet pitfalls and cruel media stereotypes that normalize anti-fatness behavior. Her chapters read like rational companions to the stories her brother related earlier—the misguided emulation of fat movie and TV characters of his youth, and the eventual typecasting as "Tubbs the Obese Comedian" in the Showtime series I'm Dying Up Here.

The digestible pointers she lays down in "The Beacon of Hope for Fat Adolescents" chapter struck me as simple, useful, and something that even non-parents could remember to model. She also lays down analysis of her brother's progressive weight loss and things that worked for him, which was illuminating, even as it also felt like a case study of her own sibling. Ian Karmel wanted to tell us a good story. Dr. Alisa Karmel wanted us to see what was potentially useful in that story.

We asked Ian Karmel what he thought about his sister's case study—with him as the subject—and he replied that he loved it. "I think we're all kind of case studies to the people we love, but just mostly behind our backs. This time I actually got to read it."

Ian Karmel has two shows at Revolution Hall, 1300 SE Stark, Sat March 23, 7 pm (SOLD OUT) & 10 pm, tickets here, 21+

T-Shirt Swim Club by Ian Karmel and Dr. Alisa Karmel PsyD, MScN will be published by Rodale Books on June 11.

Good Morning, News: State Lawmakers Are Too Rich, Fish Pathogens, and Electric Cars: The Law of the Land?

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by Taylor Griggs

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Hope you got your vitamin D up over the last few days, 'cause it's back to clouds for now. Good! It's not time for summer yet. But you know what it IS time for...your daily news digest.  Read on if you want to be informed and possibly even entertained. (I haven't started writing this yet, so I don't want to promise too much.) 

IN LOCAL NEWS: 

• Have you read the Mercury's 2024 Spring Arts Preview?? If not, it's worth checking out. And if you have, go ahead and re-read. Included in the lineup: Everything you need to know about the two Portland-area listening bars (bars oriented around listening to music), the scoop on an upcoming Portland Art Museum exhibition about the future of sneakers, a dispatch from a night with queen of Portland drag bingo (and crowd-pleasing insults) Peachy Springs, and more. 

• ‼️ On the topic of Portland spring arts stuff: 

I got to talk about my book with the wonderful @suzettesmith. She wrote about it over at @portlandmercury! Check it out. https://t.co/Sf2vbWIh5e

— ian karmel (@IanKarmel) March 20, 2024

• According to a new Duke University study, very few (116) of the 7,400 state legislators across the country come from working-class backgrounds. In Oregon, that number is even more abysmal, at least according to Duke's parameters: Zero. The researchers defined "working class" as having "currently or last worked in manual labor, service industry, clerical or labor union jobs," which describes about 50 percent of workers in the United States, but only 1.6 percent of state lawmakers. Now, I think there are some issues with this study. The article in Oregon Capital Chronicle points out several lawmakers from working class backgrounds, like Rep. Paul Holvey, who was a union carpenter before he was elected to state Congress, and Rep. Dacia Grayber, who is a full-time firefighter. I can think of others who would probably object to the accusation, as well. But the point still stands that overall, U.S. and Oregon lawmakers are much wealthier than the average American, and this undoubtedly has impacts on the way they lead. 

REI set to open new Portland-area store in April https://t.co/rZ6VjmQxw7

— The Oregonian (@Oregonian) March 19, 2024

The Oregon Department of Fish and Wildlife had to kill about 160,000 rainbow trout to stop the spread of a seemingly-untreatable, rapidly-spreading pathogen. The pathogen was found in fish at three Oregon hatcheries, and experts attribute it to climate change and warming rivers giving micro-organisms a more hospitable habitat.  :( 

In this week's SAVAGE LOVE: She's been dominating him and he seems to love it... is this a problem or the beginning of a beautiful (and hot) relationship?https://t.co/41P6eft9zA

— Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) March 19, 2024

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• This morning, the Biden administration issued a MAJOR climate regulation: A new ruling that by 2032, the majority of new passenger vehicles sold in the U.S. must be electric or plug-in hybrid. (Oregon is trying to phase out gas car sales by 2035, so this federal regulation beats it.) The ruling will be overseen by the Environmental Protection Agency, and it's technically not a BAN on gas car sales, but it does require automakers to meet emissions limits— in essence, restricting them from selling combustion engine vehicles. Since transportation (largely combustion engine passenger vehicles) is the source of the largest chunk of American carbon emissions, this will be a big change. However, since the Republicans don't care if we live or die in a flaming inferno in 15 years, the ruling has already become a highly politicized issue and will likely face legal challenges. 

YouTube and Reddit are facing a lawsuit that alleges the companies helped radicalize the mass shooter who killed 10 Black people at a Buffalo, NY grocery store in 2022. Survivors of the shooting filed the lawsuit last year, and on Monday, a judge rejected the tech companies' requests to get it dismissed. The lawsuit claims the shooter became radicalized to the racist alt-right after consuming content on YouTube and Reddit, and that both platforms enabled him to get a weapon and body armor to carry out the mass shooting. It's a new approach to justice for victims of these horrific events, and may also put a strain on Section 230, which protects internet platforms from liability for what their users post or do with the site. (Section 230 is really interesting, but also too complicated to explain in a short blurb, so you should listen to this episode of Radiolab if you want to know more.) 

Breaking News: Hours after the Supreme Court allowed a Texas immigration law to go into effect, a federal appeals court effectively blocked the law again. https://t.co/TUrtssWSrl

— The New York Times (@nytimes) March 20, 2024

• We talked about out-of-touch state lawmakers earlier, now let's hear from some that are really doing their best to help people. Democratic Arizona state Senator Eva Burch told her legislative colleagues during a floor speech Monday that she planned to get an abortion because her pregnancy is no longer viable. Burch said she wanted to share the real-world impacts of abortion restrictions in Arizona, which have made getting the procedure more difficult for her. In an interview, Burch said she took the opportunity to "highlight what we’re experiencing here in Arizona and how the laws that we pass...actually do impact people in practice and not just in theory." 

• MacKenzie Scott, the billionaire ex-wife of Jeff Bezos and a co-founder of Amazon, is giving away $640 million to small nonprofits (including to three in Oregon.) In Portland, Raphael House and Families en Acción will receive $2 million each. Scott has spoken publicly about wanting to give away her money, and has seemingly stuck to her word, giving away $16 billion since 2019. The fact that it's seemingly as difficult for Scott to give away her money as it is for the rest of us to keep ours means we need REAL wealth redistribution, not just philanthropy, but I guess it's more than most billionaires are doing.

• Ok everyone, happy Wednesday. Hope it's as nice as this:

Tamu makes a splash pic.twitter.com/0TDCDPzgH6

— Oregon Zoo (@OregonZoo) March 18, 2024

 

Portland Police Will Get Premium Pay for Joining New Crowd Control Team

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Amid lingering criticisms and lawsuits stemming from the 2020 protests, the city approved a 6 percent pay bump for new public order team officers. by Courtney Vaughn

Portland police officers who join the city’s new riot squad will get a 6 percent pay bump.

The council unanimously approved a letter of agreement with the Portland Police Association–the union representing rank-and-file officers–to offer an additional 6 percent of an officer’s base salary if they agree to work on a new public order team to respond to protests and public demonstrations. The pay will boost an officer’s annual salary, regardless of how many times they respond to an event as part of the new team. Portland Police Bureau (PPB) officers have traditionally received hazard pay for similar assignments.

According to the emergency ordinance, PPB wants to put together a team with “specific expertise in providing police services during public order events.”

“The City and PPA agree that it is helpful to provide a premium pay incentive to attract high quality officers to this work,” the city’s ordinance states. The city is trying to rebuild a crowd control squad with new training recommendations after several lawsuits and complaints of excessive use of force by prior officers.

Like other special teams within PPB, officers will likely apply to serve on the team, in addition to their regular police assignments.

The recommendation for a public order team came from Independent Monitor, LLC–a firm hired by the city to evaluate PPB’s response to the 2020 protests and riots. The firm was hired to try to keep the city in line with a standing settlement agreement between the city and the US Department of Justice over past policing practices.

“This new public order team must be rigorously scrutinized by PPB executives, overseen by Portland’s new oversight agency, and transparently introduced to the public,” the firm wrote in a 2023 report.

Independent Monitor LLC also concluded Portland police need to rebuild the bureau’s mutual aid network with neighboring law enforcement agencies, and said the bureau needs updated training on effective crowd control tactics and de-escalation. Evaluators also said PPB must “dramatically reduce its reliance on riot control agents like CS gas.” 

CS gas, also known as tear gas, was frequently used by PPB during the 2020 racial justice protests.

The bureau says it’s currently working to implement the recommendations in the training assessments and overall evaluations from Independent Monitor.

PPB has yet to announce how big the public order team will be, or when recruitment will begin.

Mike Benner, a spokesperson for the bureau, told the Mercury“that process is underway,” and PPB expects to announce more about its plans for the team shortly.

Past crowd control tactics spurred multiple lawsuits

As protests endured in 2020, PPB relied on its Rapid Response team, which frequently donned riot gear and deployed pepper spray or tear gas to disperse protesters. The team also carried batons.

A study later determined the indiscriminate use of tear gas, also called CS gas, far exceeded safe levels, according to standards set by the Occupational Safety and Health Administration. The study found the particles in the air on a particular night in June of 2020 were high enough to cause “serious short-term and long-term side effects.”

A few months later, Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler prohibited local police from using the gas in crowd control situations, after the city was hit with a lawsuit by Don’t Shoot PDX and protesters. 

In June 2021, after the routine public demonstrations had largely died down, a Multnomah County grand jury indicted a member of PPB’s Rapid Response Team on a fourth degree assault charge, stemming from force used during a protest. 

In response, the entire Rapid Response Team resigned from the special assignment the following day, returning to their normal work. PPB never revived the team, until now.

The enduring protests transformed the city’s national reputation. They also cost the city millions in damages to buildings and later, legal settlements from protesters suing for injuries sustained from police.

By mid-2023, the city agreed to pay out over $3 million in settlements in more than 75 bodily injury claims against PPB stemming from the 2020 protests.

Good Morning, News: Riot Cops to Get Pay Bump, Feds Sue Apple, and NIMBYs Choose Property Values Over Humanity

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by Wm. Steven Humphrey

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

GOOD MORNING,PORTLAND! Expect a mish-mash of sun and showers today with a respectable high of 62,—but dig your umbrella out of the entryway closet for a much rainier Friday. (Do you have an umbrella? I don't. Not because I'm a "typical Oregonian," but because I can't seem to keep an umbrella to save my life. WHERE DO THEY ALL GO?? I suspect there's a restaurant somewhere in town where Portland umbrellas go to die. Now let's dig deep into our entryway closets to see if we can find today's NEWS.)

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Portland City Council unanimously approved a 6 percent pay bump for police officers who agree to be part of a new and resurrected crowd control team—previously known as the Rapid Response Team which was disbanded after its members pitched a hissy fit and quit. Why? Because a Multnomah County grand jury rightly indicted a member of the team on a fourth degree assault charge, following his baton attack on a woman at a 2020 racial justice protest. But SURE! Let's reward violent behavior. Our Courtney Vaughn has more.

• Related: Check out the acrobatics Commissioner Gonzalez goes through to present his extremist view while simultaneously disparaging so-called "extremists":

On the path toward restoring one of the best trained crowd control units in the country.
Extremists on both sides and their apologists will howl, but it is an essential step in protecting our city.
Its time for electeds to stand behind our first responders and not repeat…

— Commissioner Rene Gonzalez (@CommissionerRG) March 19, 2024

It should also be noted that he doesn't seem to be the least bit concerned about reducing the overwhelming police violence of 2020 or the baked-in systemic racism of the bureau. (I believe this is referred to as "selective memory.")

• Last night community members in the Montavilla neighborhood held a meeting to bitch and moan about a proposed 29 pod housing village set to open at Southeast 82nd and Oak, which will feature showers, laundry, and a communal kitchen for houseless folks. While there were certainly some decent people piping up in favor of the village, many were saying thoughtless, horrible things like this: “Take the issue of people being trapped in houses next to something that's going to destroy their property values." Fun fact: Decent people usually choose humanity over property values.

• In 2023, there was a 21 percent increase (367 people) of those who chose to end their lives with help from Oregon's Death with Dignity act—the most ever. However, it should be noted that big jump transpired after the state removed the residency requirement from the act, which has brought people from out of state who want to legally end their lives. According to a report from the Oregon Health Authority the majority of these people in 2023 were white, male, over the age of 62, and cited cancer as the reason for their decision.

• There's so much to love in our new Spring Arts Preview, but if you've never heard of drag artist Peachy Springs, you're gonna read this piece and yelp, "Where has she been all my life?" Longtime admirers will know all about Springs' penchant for insult crowd work, which has made her one of Portland's premier drag performers. Plus, Andrew Jankowski's profile opens with her cussing out a baby. CUSSING OUT A BABY!!! 🤯 Don't miss it.

It may seem cutesy that we profiled Peachy Springs for our Spring Arts Preview, but if you know about the sparkling, sassing Springs, you're probably shouting, "It's about time!"https://t.co/VKVZeWFJtX

— Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) March 20, 2024

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• Looks like big trouble for Apple, who is getting sued by the feds (along with 16 states and district attorneys general) accusing them of creating a smartphone monopoly while hindering outside app development and applying punitive charges to competitors. This is part of President Biden's plan to crack down on big tech, and follows a $2 billion fine levied against Apple by the European Union for stifling competition for music-streaming services in their app store. 

Breaking News: Congressional leaders released a $1.2 trillion spending bill to fund the government through September, but it’s unclear whether it will pass before a Friday midnight deadline to avoid a partial shutdown. https://t.co/M5J8LzF6uw

— The New York Times (@nytimes) March 21, 2024

• Biden announced today that the federal government will be forgiving $6 billion in student loan debt for public service workers, such as teachers, firefighters, and nurses. This makes for a total of $144 billion in federal loan forgiveness for nearly 4 million borrowers nationwide thus far.

• According to inside sources, Trump is heavily considering the dehydrated Sen. Marco Rubio to be his running mate in this fall's presidential election. Rubio is obviously banking on the fact that his future boss won't ask his insurrectionist followers to hang him. (I dunno... maybe Veeps should form a union?)

Kyle Rittenhouse, who became a darling of the right after shooting three protesters in 2020, hightailed it off a stage at the University of Memphis on Wednesday night as a crowd of demonstrators booed him.https://t.co/ipm2i7wVYC

— The Daily Beast (@thedailybeast) March 21, 2024

• For the first time ever, doctors have successfully transplanted a genetically modified pig kidney into a human patient, and it so far seems to be working perfectly. The success of this transplant is especially important due to the lack of organs available for such a procedure, and that 17 people die in the U.S. every day waiting for an organ. 

• Not the obituary I wanted to read today: RIP to wildly talented character actor M. Emmet Walsh (Blade Runner, Blood Simple) who has died of cardiac arrest at the age of 88.

• And finally... me—marching toward the weekend.

Evzones, the Presidential Guard of Greece.pic.twitter.com/Mdt859zevq

— Figen (@TheFigen_) March 20, 2024

FREE TICKETS THURSDAY: Enter to Win Free Tix to See Comedian Ian Karmel, or the Sonic Symphony and Batman 1989 in Concert!

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by Wm. Steven Humphrey

Who's ready to have some fun? Well, the Mercury is here to help with FREE TICKETS to see some of Portland's best concerts and events—our way of saying thanks to our great readers and spread the word about some fantastic upcoming performances! (Psst... if you want to say thanks to the Mercury, please consider making a small monthly contribution to keep us alive and kickin'!) And oh boy, do we have some fun events coming at ya this week! CHECK IT OUT!

• Enter to WIN FREE TICKETS to see comedian Ian Karmel's late show at Revolution Hall this Saturday, March 23!

Hometown hero and comedian Ian Karmel is returning to Portland to record his latest comedy album at Revolution Hall! The former Portland’s Funniest winner has since gone on to write for Chelsea Handler as well as earning the title of head writer on The Late Late Show with James Corden. Widely regarded as a top national touring comedian, Karmel will be offering a sterling night of comedy in which he reflects on his wild days of partying, and his current days of groaning every morning as he gets out of bed and struggles to find his slippers. (Read more about Ian in this great Mercury interview.) Get your tickets for his Saturday late show here, or enter to win free tickets! (Note: Winning tickets are for the 10 pm show only. Winners will be contacted Friday afternoon.)

Revolution Hall, 1300 SE Stark, Sat March 23, 10 pm, $30, 21+

• Enter to WIN FREE TICKETS to see Sonic Symphony on March 29 at the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall!

Get ready to run down memory lane at Sonic speed! Sonic Symphony is an immersive live experience that celebrates more than three decades of music from SEGA’s iconic mascot. From the classic 8-bit and 16-bit tunes to rock and EDM songs, this concert will take you on a musical journey through the colorful world of Sonic the Hedgehog. Relive your favorite Sonic moments, brought to life by a full symphony orchestra. Sonic Symphony will be an electrifying tribute to the music that has defined generations of gamers, old and new. Don’t miss the chance to experience the sounds of Sonic like never before! Get your tickets now or enter to win free tix here!

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, Fri March 29, $53-$116.60, all ages

• Enter to WIN FREE TICKETS to see the Batman (1989) 35th Anniversary Concert on March 30 at the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall!

Gotham City’s #1 defender is coming to Portland! Announcing the 2024 Batman™ in Concert celebrating the iconic original Batman film from (1989). This amazing concert experience will allow audiences to watch Batman starring Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson like never before with the full Danny Elfman score performed LIVE by a symphony orchestra. 2024 is the 35th Anniversary of Batman and you won't want to miss this concert event! Get your tickets now or enter to win free tix here!

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, Sat March 30, 8 pm, $40-$100, all ages

GOOD LUCK! Winners will be notified on Monday (except for the Ian Karmel winners who will be notified this Friday). Check back next week for more FREE TIX from the Mercury!

Portland Preservationists Think the Future of New Housing is in Old Buildings

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At a recent City Council meeting, members of Portland’s Historic Landmarks Commission asked elected officials to rethink the "new build" approach to housing production. by Taylor Griggs

Considering the housing crisis plaguing Portland and Oregon at large, figuring out ways to increase housing supply has been a top priority for city and state elected officials across the political spectrum. But so far, most of the initiatives meant to boost  housing production have been focused on building new units from scratch. Portland’s advocates for historic building preservation want that to change. 

Members of Portland’s Historic Landmarks Commission (HLC) say  solutions to the city’s housing woes won’t come from being bullish on new construction. No need to reinvent the wheel, they say— Portland has plenty of existing buildings primed for rehabilitation, and giving those structures a new life is the best way to expedite housing production in a climate-friendly way while maintaining the city’s character.  

“We wring our hands over housing shortages and how to revive downtown and lower carbon emissions, yet fail to recognize a big part of the solution is literally right in front of us,” Peggy Moretti, a member of the Historic Landmarks Commission, told City Council at a meeting on March 13. “Our largest renewable resource is our existing buildings.” 

The HLC came to City Council alongside Portland’s Design Commission to give their annual “state of the city” reports. Both groups hammered home the message that Portland’s urban design is integral to the city’s success, and asked the city to invest more in a fully-supported development services program. 

While building preservationists have sometimes been known for demonstrating a strain of anti-housing NIMBYism, the HLC’s message was intent on showing that housing construction doesn’t have to be at odds with maintaining historic properties and neighborhood character. 

Given the state of the housing crisis (not to mention the possibly-impending Cascadia Subduction Zone earthquake), however, other housing advocates are hesitant to embrace the preservationist viewpoint to this extent. And while rehabilitating old buildings instead of building new housing may have some environmental benefits, climate and development experts are mixed on if it’s always the most efficient approach. But for those inclined toward preservationism, the cultural history is worth considering, too. 

Is the future of housing in the past? 

If redeveloping historic buildings is so great, why isn’t everyone doing it? According to members of the HLC, it all comes down to money. In Portland, it’s often much cheaper for developers to just construct a building from scratch. 

At the March 13 City Council meeting, advocates for the rehabilitation approach to housing development asked city officials to support a state-level tax credit, which would incentivize the expensive endeavor. 

Right now, Oregon developers interested in preserving and renovating historic buildings can tap into a 20 percent federal tax credit, but advocates say it’s limited in scope and insufficient to cover the prohibitive costs of rehabilitating existing properties. Advocates point to the 39 other states with similar programs, which give Oregon a roadmap to follow. 

Members of City Council showed an interest in investing in a tax credit program. 

“I was kind of shocked to see that I think there are [so many] states that have already figured this out,” Commissioner Dan Ryan said at the meeting. “Adoption of the [rehabilitation] tax credit would really be a big win for Portland and for the entire state.” 

Last year, Northeast Portland’s Anna Mann House was reborn as a 128-unit affordable housing development, partially funded by the Portland Housing Bond. The Anna Mann House, located in the Kerns neighborhood, was built in 1919 as a home for the elderly, and the building is located on the National Register of Historic Places. Innovative Housing, Inc (IHI), the development company in charge of the Anna Mann project, has rehabilitated several other historic Portland buildings into affordable housing complexes, including the Lyndon Musolf Manor and Modern Rich Apartments in Old Town. 

A birds-eye rendering of the Anna Mann House complex. city of portland

According to IHI’s website, their developments retain much of the external and internal structure of the property, but include some major upgrades: Notably, energy efficient heating and cooling systems and improved seismic resilience, both of which are crucial for any new housing complex in Portland. 

Moretti and others on the HLC say it’s more sustainable to retrofit rather than rebuild housing due to the “embodied carbon in existing city assets”— that is, all the carbon emissions from building the property in the first place. However, many old buildings were not built with energy efficiency in mind, and without a costly retrofit, the properties will continue to be climate liabilities.

That’s where the Commission wants the Portland Clean Energy Community Benefits Fund (PCEF) to come in. During the March 13 City Council meeting, advocates asked commissioners to encourage PCEF to dedicate money to the historic property rehab initiative. 

“We urge City Council to prioritize retrofitting existing assets rather than investing in new construction whenever possible,” reads a slide in the HLC’s City Council presentation. “With so few financial incentives available for the rehabilitation of existing buildings, pairing PCEF dollars with the Commission’s desire to see existing buildings preserved and reused presents a unique opportunity to invest in our city’s existing built infrastructure.” 

The PCEF dollars would “improve thermal performance, upgrade lighting, modernize mechanical systems, and incorporate renewable energy sources,” all of which will reduce a building’s carbon footprint. 

Some housing advocates, however, aren’t so sure. 

Though tax rebates and PCEF money may help, it still might be unreasonably expensive to retrofit older buildings to meet today’s standards for energy efficiency and seismic resilience. These high costs are why developers haven’t jumped at the opportunity to retrofit office buildings into housing complexes, despite increasingly vacant commercial spaces in Portland’s Central City since the pandemic. 

“I’m a little skeptical of the idea that we should always be preserving buildings for environmental reasons, or that old buildings are inherently better somehow,” Michael Andersen, a Portland-based housing policy researcher for the Sightline Institute, told the Mercury. Andersen added that he’s more supportive of public spending on the rehab initiative given the emphasis on seismic and energy efficiency retrofits, but still thinks it’s not always the right approach.

“I think it’s usually easier to build new buildings… but it’s not always clear cut. The historic preservationists would like you to believe it’s always clear that the old building represents so much in biocarbon that no matter how leaky it is, it’s always better to keep the old thing. Often that’s not the case, and sometimes it is,” Andersen said. “For almost all buildings, the vast majority of their life cycle energy use is in heating and cooling, not in the construction materials or construction process.” 

The value of cultural history 

Preserving old buildings isn’t just about carbon emissions or cost savings. Advocates for old building retrofits see a priceless value in maintaining the buildings that have built Portland’s distinct character over the years. 

Later in the City Council meeting, HLC Vice-Chair Kimberly Stowers Moreland highlighted three properties that made it on the National Register of Historic Places last year: The Dr. John D. Marshall Building, the Jim Pepper House, and the Beatrice Morrow and Edward Cannady House. All three of these sites are affiliated with people of color in Portland who made significant, unsung cultural contributions to the city. 

Dr. John D. Marshall was one of the only Black physicians working in Portland immediately after World War II, and his former office on North Williams Avenue was also used by the local Black Panther Party. Jim Pepper, an Indigenous jazz artist of Kaw and Muscogee Creek heritage, grew up in a now-historically recognized home in the Parkrose neighborhood. And Beatrice Morrow, who lived in a Northeast Portland home, was a civil rights activist who fought against Oregon’s Black exclusion laws, published The Advocate newspaper with her husband as a source covering local Black issues, and was the first Black woman in Oregon to receive a law degree. 

The Jim Pepper House in Parkrose. oregon state historic preservation office

Moreland said the addition of these three properties to the historic register indicates a “new movement to be more inclusive [of underrepresented communities] by expanding the definition of preservation to include cultural history and heritage as well.” 

Portland City Council members agreed with their assessment. 

“I think it's really great that as we talk about historic preservation, we're not always focused on the grand buildings that represented the establishment of 100 years ago,” Commissioner Mingus Mapps said at the meeting. “Preserving the spaces of everyday Portlanders who did remarkable things to basically make this town the way it is is really important.” 


Hear in Portland: Hip-Hop Night the Thesis Moves to Lollipop Shoppe

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Jakki and the Pink Smudge's sunny new single “Going Up,” and country-tinged, rock-infused Chris Stapleton at Ridgefield. by Jenni Moore

Happy official spring, Portland! This week we’re honing in on the thrilling news that the Thesis has a new home base, indie rockers Jakki and The Pink Smudge have a new single out, and this summer, country music superstar Chris Stapleton is swinging pretty close—15 miles away 🙃 at RV Inn Style Resorts Amphitheater. Read all about these locally relevant music news that’s happening Hear in Portland. 

MUST SEE: 

Upcoming local event(s) featuring local artist(s).    

The Thesis' New Venue and Housewarming Party

Well, it’s official, folks: After leaving its longtime home at Kelly’s Olympian due to a misalignment of values, local hip-hop series the Thesis has decided on its new home at inner Southeast bar venue Lollipop Shoppe. Instant positives that come with this venue upgrade include a slightly larger capacity, a longstanding reputation for good shows, and—especially—the fact that no one needs to walk next door to get a drink anymore! On March 23, the venue will host a “housewarming” event, providing an opportunity for the Thesis crowd to get acclimated to its new digs. Comic and comedic rapper Shrista will perform and keep the crowd entertained, along with Jai Baby, as well as DJ sets from DJ Verbz and DJ Aspen. The series will return to its monthly, full-blown first-Thursday shows on April 4, with a lineup of Swiggle Mandela, Siah Tha Kid, Kmar Woods, Refugio, and DJ Verbz on the ones and twos, to kick off an all-new era of the Thesis. (The Thesis Homecoming, Lollipop Shoppe, 736 SE Grand, Sat March 23, 8:30 pm $10 at the door, 21+; The Thesis, Lollipop Shoppe, 736 SE Grand, Thurs April 4, 9 pm, $10-15, 21+)

MUST LISTEN: 

New release(s) from a Portland-relevant artist. 

“Going Up” Jakki and the Pink Smudge

At the end of January, Portland indie rock band Jakki and the Pink Smudge released “I Go On Walks,” along with a video animated by the group's singer—who leaves pink smudges of lipstick on her microphones, hence the name. At the time, Jakki Wise told the Mercury, “I Go On Walks” was "more of an experimental song," and said soon the group would have something a bit more indie-fuzz-rock-pop for listeners. On March 15, the group released the foretold single, “Going Up.” In an Instagram post promoting their new single, the band explained that “Going Up” is the first song recorded with all of its current members: Wise, bassist Oliver Lester, guitarist Caleb Ballard, and drummer Charlie Oakes. Mixed and mastered by Ballard, the song carries a sunny, surfer disposition; Wise cheekily sings “You make me feel like I’m low quality/ Like I’m off brand, off brand,” and stands up for herself, adding “don’t put me down again.”

ADDED TO THE QUEUE: 

Some upcoming music buzz to add to your radar.

Chris Stapleton

Ever since the career-defining moment where Chris Stapleton performed his version of “Tennessee Whiskey” with Justin Timberlake, at the 2015 Country Music Awards, the country singer has been on an upward climb, racking up award nominations and wins and consistently topping the Billboard charts. The Nashville artist arguably possesses the best contemporary male voice in his genre right now, and in my opinion, it’s because the man has soul. His previous three albums—Traveller, From A Room: Volume 1, and Starting Over—all won the Grammy for Best Country Album; his latest, 2023’s Higher,follows 2020's acclaimed Starting Over. This April, Stapleton embarks on his All American Roadshow Tour, which makes a stop in Ridgefield, WA on July 26. Supporting Stapleton on the bill are R&B artist Allen Stone, and Americana-country act Nikki Lane. Fans can hope to hear Stapleton’s outlaw country-tinged, rock-infused “White Horse,” and “Crosswinds,” the blues-informed “South Dakota,” and the poignant and romantic “I Think I’m In Love with You.” Count on him performing his career-making rendition of “Tennessee Whiskey,” and most of all, expect chill-inducing vocals and epic guitar solos. (RV Inn Style Resorts Amphitheater, 17200 NE Delfel, Ridgefield, WA; Fri July 26, 7 pm, $165-779+, tickets here, all ages)

Ticket Alert: Bryson Tiller, Jeff Lynne's ELO, and More Portland Events Going On Sale This Week

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Plus, A Day to Remember and More Event Updates for March 21 by EverOut Staff

R&B/hip-hop star Bryson Tiller is back with new music and will kick off the tour for his forthcoming self-titled album in Portland. Jeff Lynne’s ELO, the modern incarnation of his legendary chamber pop band Electric Light Orchestra, is coming to town one last time on their farewell tour. Plus, metalcore quartet A Day To Remember has dropped dates for their Least Anticipated Album tour. Read on for details on those and other newly announced events, plus some news you can use.

ON SALE FRIDAY, MARCH 22

MUSIC

A Day To Remember - The Least Anticipated Album Tour
Theater of the Clouds (Sun July 14)

The Antlers & Okkervil River
Mississippi Studios (Sat June 22)

Bôa
Wonder Ballroom (Tues Sept 17)

Good Morning, News: Realtor Settlement to Impact Home Prices, Fire Causes Brief Restaurant Closure at Ox, the Thesis' New Venue Homecoming

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by Suzette Smith

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

Good Morning, Portland! Did you like that sunny weather? Because we're looking at ten days of rain—WATCH YOUR DRAINS. It's time for news.

IN LOCAL NEWS:
• Almost everyone can agree that Portland needs more housing, and it's a common belief that it all needs to be horrendously ugly—with awkward zig zag shapes so that the people who live in it feel ashamed every day of their lives for living in it. But what if restoring some of the cool, historic buildings could be fun, profitable, and like... cause reasonably the same environmental concerns? Portland’s Historic Landmarks Commission recently took such an argument before Portland City Council. Taylor Griggs explains more of the whys and wherefores.

• Ox, an Argentine-cuisine-inspired steakhouse run by James Beard award-winning chefs Greg Denton and Gabrielle Quiñónez Denton has closed until further notice, following a fire. Greg Denton told KGW the fire began in the restaurant's ducts. A post to the restaurant's social media page explained "everyone is safe and the building will be fine, and we will reopen as soon as possible."

• For the first time in nearly a decade, there wasn't a Thesis at Kelly's Olympian last month—the hip-hop showcase cancelled its February show, citing an increasing misalignment of values with the venue. Mercury music columnist Jenni Moore reports that a new home has been found for the First Thursday event, and there's a 'Homecoming' party to celebrate this weekend!

Popular Portland hip-hop showcase the Thesis lands on its feet, after leaving its longstanding venue. Read about the "homecoming" party and the First Thursday kickoff in this week's Hear in Portland!https://t.co/i1u4wVjojf

— Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) March 21, 2024

• The People's Joker, Smallpresspalooza, Kathleen Hana's memoir release—there's a lot of cool events in Portland this spring! Our EverOut calendar team pulled together this list of notables, and if you're not the sort of Portlander who keeps a multi-layered calendar all on your own.... I recognize you, and I respect you... don't forget you can ❤️ events you want to check out on EverOut, and they'll remind you when its coming up!

• But there are certainly shows that you need to buy tickets for RIGHT MEOW. Take a look at this shortlist of shows going on sale this morning, thoughtfully compiled the EverOut calendar team!

• Earlier in the week, I wrote about comedian Ian Karmel's new book and his upcoming stand-up shows at Revolution Hall—where he's recording his second-ever comedy album. Though he's lived in LA for years, he was actually in Portland when we conducted the interview. We made a little video of it:

      View this post on Instagram            

A post shared by Portland Mercury (@portlandmercury)

IN NATIONAL / INTERNATIONAL NEWS:
• 
Have you been following this National Association of Realtors settlement story? The New York Times reports that "American homeowners could see a significant drop in the cost of selling their homes" now that NAR can no longer keep 5 or 6 percent realtor fees as the standard rate paid to real estate agents. There was a good episode of the Daily about it on Wednesday.

• Here we are two years into Russia's invasion of Ukraine, and when you read a headline that say Russia attacked Ukraine's hydroelectric power plants you probably recognize that as a tactic meant to cause the effected populations to freeze. It's also a danger to Zaporizhzhia Nuclear Power Plant, which receives electricity from Dnipro Hydroelectric Station.

• This morning, Russia and China vetoed a UN resolution that would have called for “an immediate and sustained cease-fire” in the Israel-Hamas war in Gaza, which has killed a recent estimate of over 30,000 Palestinians. The Russian ambassador said that language was weak sauce, to paraphrase. The US ambassador called China and Russia's vote "cynical." Worth noting that the US has blocked several resolutions, along the same lines. 

• Flannery O'Conner movie directed by Ethan Hawke, staring Maya Hawke—YAY or NAY?

• Lawmakers in our national's capitol managed to pass a spending bill today, "just a few hours before funding for some key federal agencies" was set to expire, the Associated Press reports. Whew, glad that's settled... until fall. Cool cool.

• I'm not super sure when spring actually ARRIVES in Oregon, but I believe it's two weeks in February and three weeks in June.

      View this post on Instagram            

A post shared by Emily Mesa (@em.mesa)

The Best Bang for Your Buck Events in Portland This Weekend: Mar 22–24, 2024

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Smallpresspalooza, Waterfront Park Cherry Blossoms, and More Cheap & Easy Events Under $15 by EverOut Staff

The first weekend of spring is bringing some scattered spring showers and a spate of events from Smallpresspalooza to Thriftapalooza and from the Waterfront Park Cherry Blossoms to Bricks Cascade 2024. For more ideas, check out our guide to the top events of the week.

FRIDAY COMEDY

Ruby Rocket, Private Detective
If you get a kick out of physical comedy and improvised noir, zany gumshoe Ruby Rocket is great at what she does—until she isn't. This calamity of a comedy stars Stacey Hallal (a "genuine talent," according to the Oregonian) alongside Portland's wackiest improvisers. Ruby's story will blaze to life with multimedia elements and classic noir storytelling, so I'm hoping for smoky alleyways and gals in dark sunglasses. LINDSAY COSTELLO
(Curious Comedy Theater, King, $12-$18)

This Week In Portland Food News

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Vietnamese Coffee, Chilaquiles, and Panini by EverOut Staff We've made it through the treacherous Big Dark, and it's time to leave our carefully assembled indoor nests to soak up some vitamin D. While you're out and about this weekend, why not some try some newly opened establishments, like Gach Viet Tea House and Taqueria La Bamba? Plus, Nick's Italian Cafe is making a comeback in McMinnville, and Coquine is offering panini. For more ideas, check out our food and drink guide. NEW OPENINGS 

Gach Viet Tea House
This Vietnamese cafe, which hosted its grand opening last week, slings beverages like honey lemon tea, milk tea, and cà phê in addition to light bites like spring rolls, sticky rice, and air-fried tofu.
Downtown

STREET VIEW: Soho House and Portland's Disappearing Public Spaces

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The meaning of public space is being tarnished and sanitized for the rich. by Taylor Griggs

Need a new place to hang out? Look no further than Soho House, which just opened in Portland’s Central Eastside: A combination community workspace, gym, restaurant, social club, and solution to any isolation you may feel. We all know about the demise of American public gathering places—what could be better than a local Soho House (a chain club with more than locations around the globe) to make Portlanders social again? 

Hold on a second… I’m getting  new information. Yearly membership at this place starts at about $2,000 (people younger than 27 pay less, though!)? Getting in is also very difficult, with preferential treatment for membership going to hot Instagram influencers and designers at Wieden+Kennedy? Okay, that changes things. Let’s recalibrate and try again. 

Ever heard of the term “third place”? The concept, which refers to a now-endangered setting for people to socialize outside of the home or workplace, really started making the rounds online a couple years ago. While people resonated with the idea for good reason, “third place” is now dangerously close to meaningless corporate buzzword territory, evident to me by its inclusion on Soho House Portland’s website. 

In a January blog post profiling some of Soho House Portland’s founding members, local designer Lena Vasilenko Tsymbal brings up the concept of “third places” in relation to the chic, exclusive new clubhouse. 

“There is a trending conversation happening in our culture regarding a “third place”: essentially having somewhere to go that isn’t home or work, where one can come to exchange ideas, build relationships and have a good time,” Vasilenko Tsymbal said. “I’m really looking forward to Soho House being this place for me.” 

The sociologist who coined the term “third place” in the 1980s heralded the importance of such spaces, and said their increasing absence in American communities was a net negative for society. That idea has proven very resonant to people in the early 2020s, who emerged, lonely, from a global pandemic and realized they had nowhere to hang out. But we need not be so desperate for accessible public spaces to believe Soho House fits the bill. 

Why we’re losing third places, and what we can do about it

What accounts for the decline of third places? Well, the internet, obviously, as well as a dwindling U.S. religious population (churches and temples are quintessential third places). The necessary isolation during the pandemic made bad conditions even worse, as businesses shuttered or tightened their hours (pour one out for 24-hour diners), and workplaces went remote, likely permanently changing socialization habits. 

And then there’s car culture: The insidious reason behind much alienation and harm in the United States. In one very popular TikTok video from September 2022, writer/online urbanist Nathan Allebach lays bare the problem, positing the loss of third places is “largely perpetuated by car dependence and urban sprawl.”

“All cities, big and small, used to have densely populated downtowns, where people experienced chance encounters and supported local businesses with foot traffic,” Allebach says in the video, adding that Euclidean zoning (the separation of land uses—i.e. commercial, residential, industrial—into separate zones) “segregated suburban housing from shopping districts,” making it so many Americans are forced to get on the highway in order to get a cup of coffee. And when they get to the coffee shop, it’s probably a drive-thru. 

Most of Portland doesn’t suffer from the same urban sprawl nightmare that Allebach describes. But our city’s definition of “third place” is being tarnished by car-centric policies, as well as policies that are deferential to the wealthy at the exclusion of everyone else.

When business owners throw fits about plans to remove on-street parking to install bike lanes, they’re rejecting a role as a social gathering site for all people. Many classic “third places,” like parks, libraries, and public plazas, are painted by local media as dangerous and overrun by homeless people and drug users. Instead, in some cases, developers have decided to redefine the notion of public space as, well, private. 

When Darcelle XV Plaza opens downtown in 2025, replacing the old O’Bryant Square, its primary attraction will be a dog park to serve the wealthy visitors and residents at the Ritz-Carlton across the street. Not only will the plaza be absent of food carts, which would actually bring much-needed foot traffic to the area, it will be surrounded by six-foot-tall fences to “ensure safety” (keep homeless people out). What could have been a wonderful, car-free public plaza in the middle of downtown Portland will now be an enclave for the rich. 

Most of Portland doesn’t suffer from the same urban sprawl nightmare that Allebach describes. But our city’s definition of “third place” is being tarnished by car-centric policies, as well as policies that are deferential to the wealthy at the exclusion of everyone else. 

Out in the less-wealthy parts of town east of 82nd Avenue, where the roads are wide and  drivers are recklessly fast, people who have been pushed out of central Portland fear for their lives when crossing the street. These dangerous conditions have made it difficult for people to access the third places they do have, and hard to imagine new ones popping up—at least, not places accessible to people of all incomes. 

But all hope is not lost. Despite the doom and gloom, there are still a lot of cool places to hang out in Portland. In order to find them, one must get rid of the broadcast media host inside their head: Our city’s libraries and parks are excellent, actually, and it’s okay if you see homeless people there. Plus, Portlanders literally love to hang out, and we’re great at creating new, unconventional third places to suit that fancy. (A few examples: Weekly “coffee outside”meet-ups, Depave’s pop-ups on SE 7th Avenue, the pandemic-era outdoor dining areas that we refuse to give up, public plazas like Ankeny Alley, Bike Happy Hour on SE Ankeny’s Rainbow Road, and the worker-owned pub containing a radical leftist library conveniently located down the street from Soho House.)

If you’re still hell-bent on joining Soho House, fine. But don’t forget that as far as third places go, we have better options.

Where to Get Food for Easter 2024 in Portland

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Hot Cross Buns, Duck Gravy Pancakes, and More by EverOut Staff Spring is finally here, which means Easter (March 31) is just around the corner. Whether you're looking for golden hot cross buns, rhubarb pastries, or duck gravy pancakes, you'll find something for your celebration here. For more ideas, check out our food and drink guide.

Baker & Spice
The small-batch bakery is baking up citrusy, currant-studded hot cross buns for Palm Sunday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday, and Easter Sunday, available for pre-orders in packs of six.
Hillsdale


YOUR SUNDAY READING LIST: Riot Cop Pay Bump, Dominatrix Dilemmas, and All the Spring Arts You Need! 🌷

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by Wm. Steven Humphrey

GOOD MORNING, SUNDAY! It's the perfect time to catch up on some of the great reporting and stories the Mercury churned out this week! (PRO TIP: If you despise being "the last to know," then be one of the first to know by signing up for Mercury newsletters! All the latest stories shipped directly to your email's in-box... and then... YOUR HEAD.)

Portland Police Will Get Premium Pay for Joining New Crowd Control Team

After the city consulted an independent monitor to evaluate Portland Police Bureau's response during the 2020 protests, the city now hopes to rebuild a riot squad, with a 6 percent pay bump for those who serve on it.

Mathieu Lewis-Rolland

Peachy Springs Is Portland's Premiere Hard-Working, Foul-Mouthed Bingo Drag Queen

It may seem cutesy that we profiled Peachy Springs for our Spring Arts Preview, but if you know about the sparkling, sassing Springs, you're probably shouting, "It's about time!"

PHOTOS BY ANDREW JANKOWSKI, DESIGN BY ANTHONY KEO

Portland Preservationists Think the Future of New Housing is in Old Buildings

Preservationism and housing abundance may seem at odds with each other. But not according to the Portland Historic Landmarks Commission, who believe the buildings that will solve the housing crisis have already been built— and are waiting for a refresh.

Taylor Griggs

The Mercury's 2024 Spring Arts Preview: Spotlight On!

It's nice out, Portland. That nuclear fusion baddie up above is shining a seasonal spotlight on our hemisphere. And in that spirit, we're focusing our view on projects worthy of your sprung-forward time—in our 2024 🌸Spring Arts Preview 🌼!

CORIANTON HALE

THE TRASH REPORT

It's gossip time! This week: Airplane oopsies, cops accidentally spill their tea, and George Santos needs to get Taylor Swift out of his mouth. 🙃

WIN MCNAMEE / GETTY IMAGES

Ian Karmel's Memoir T-Shirt Swim Club Covers the Comedian's Weight Loss and the Immaculate Snacks of His Youth

Comedian Ian Karmel says his stand-up act away from stories in his upcoming memoir "T-Shirt Swim Club." He told us the new show is, "about confronting getting older," then laughed, "all the fun stuff."

PHOTO: KENNY MCMILLAN, BOOK COVER: RODALE BOOKS

Film Review: Problemista Is a Bizarre, but Surprisingly Honest, Movie About US Immigration

The first feature film from comedian Julio Torres is a bizarre, but remarkably honest, account of what it’s like to live in the US as a certain kind of immigrant.

A24

Ticket Alert

R&B/hip-hop star Bryson Tiller is back with new music, Jeff Lynne’s ELO, the modern incarnation of Electric Light Orchestra, is coming to town, and metalcore quartet A Day To Remember has dropped dates for their Least Anticipated Album tour. Get all the ticket info you need with TICKET ALERT.

Bryson Tiller

SAVAGE LOVE

She's been dominating him and he seems to love it... is this a problem or the beginning of a beautiful (and hot) relationship?

Joe Newton

WOW, THAT IS A LOT OF GOOD READIN'. I hope you didn't have any other plans this weekend! Dig in, and remember: Producing all this hard work costs moolah—so please consider contributing to the Mercury to keep it all coming! Thanks!

Good Morning, News: Public Spaces (for Rich People), Kotek Pushes for "Office of First Spouse," and Judge Throws Trump a Financial Lifeline

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by Wm. Steven Humphrey

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

GOOD MORNING,PORTLAND! Expect more on-and-off showers this week until at least Friday with highs in the mid-50s (AKA welcome to SPRING). And welcome as well to this stormy roundup of morning NEWS!

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• There's been a lot of brouhaha about the new fancy-pantsy Soho House, which is an exclusive club for young influencers, and how it's supposedly a necessary "third place" (besides home and work) for people to hang out and socialize. HOWEVER! While that's great for those in a certain income bracket (hi there, rich folk!), what about the rest of us? Our Taylor Griggs explores this trend in her latest smart and entertaining edition of STREET VIEW, and has some very pointed thoughts about the "third places" we already have and which should be championed. 

• Hey Portland rich people! Here's what happens when you push us too far:

A group of bees take revenge on a giant hornet for eating one of them pic.twitter.com/jPTX1PGEBJ

— Nature is Amazing ☘️ (@AMAZlNGNATURE) March 24, 2024

 • Governor Tina Kotek has hired an out-of-state advisor to study the possibility of creating an "Office of the First Spouse" for Aimee Kotek Wilson, the governor's wife. This happens at the same time three top advisers to Govenor Kotek have departed, allegedly after head-butting with Kotek Wilson. While the governor's spokesperson contends that many other states have official offices for the spouse of the governor, and while Kotek Wilson has not done anything wrong, the situation is reminiscent of the Cylvia Hayes scandal in which former Gov. Kitzhaber was forced to resign after his wife used the power of his office to forward her own financial interests. So you better believe all the statehouse reporters are like... 👀.

• Here's one for the wealthy Portland politicos and mayoral candidates who cruelly think helping the homeless is a form of "enablement": The University of Oregon is currently studying the effects of homelessness on a person's health, where the question is not if it affects their health, but how. They are currently administering health tests, physicals, and questionnaires to houseless folk to determine the effects of housing insecurity on long-term health, and the early results are... not good. The hope of the study is to influence politicians to make changes in the way they are approaching homelessness. In the words of UO Associate Prof Jo Weaver, "One of the biggest challenges of this work is that many people that are in a position to do something about it — would rather not look at the frank brutality that people are dealing with,"

• Congrats and a WOOO-HOOO to Portland's own (and former Mercury columnist) Mx. Dahlia Belle who is featured in comedian Hannah Gadsby's new Netflix special titled Gender Agendawhich spotlights a group of genderqueer stand-ups! This special is in direct contrast to other Netflix comedy specials which platform anti-trans comedians such as the hugely disappointing Dave Chappelle. Don't miss this interview with Belle who, I can personally attest, is a goddamn peach of a person and hilariously funny.

• If you are an art lover, our Mercury Spring Arts Preview has a fantastic lineup of the best gallery shows of the season, featuring such interesting curations as Jeremy Okai Davis presenting work by his contemporaries at Nationale, Morgan Ritter pairing up painstaking hand-punctured cotton abstracts by Ash Wyatt with Jean Isamu Nagai's textured landscapes at ARTspace, and so much more! Check it out, babies!

Looking for something new to stick in your mouth? Try Gach Viet Tea House and Taqueria La Bamba! Plus, Nick's Italian Cafe is making a comeback in McMinnville, and Coquine is offering panini. It's the week in FOOD NEWS!https://t.co/Abq1KToN77

— Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) March 22, 2024

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• The UN Security Council has passed a resolution that calls for an immediate cease-fire in Gaza during the month of Ramadan. However, the US abstained from the vote which was approved by Russia and China, claiming that the resolution could endanger current cease-fire negotiations which include the release of hostages. Meanwhile, Israel is reportedly plotting an invasion of invading of Rafah, Gaza's southernmost city, as the war's death toll has surpassed 32,200.

BREAKING: Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu cancels a diplomatic delegation's visit to Washington to protest a U.N. vote calling for a cease-fire in Gaza. https://t.co/2DW6CMYVtx

— The Associated Press (@AP) March 25, 2024

• The CEO of Boeing, David Calhoun, announced he is stepping down from his position after recent and multiple plane part mishaps, including at least two which happened in Oregon. His position worsened significantly after the FBI notified passengers last week that they may have been victims of a thus-far unidentified crime that's still under investigation. 

• Trump is expected to show up today in his home-away-from-home, criminal court, in his latest attempt to delay his hush-money trial. Meanwhile, unless someone miraculously steps up to cover his $454 million bond in the civil fraud case involving his fraudulent business practices, the district attorney's office will soon be able to start seizing his assets and properties HEE-HEE-HEEEEEE! 🤣UPDATE! Just as I was about to hit publish on this, it's been reported that a judge has agreed to throw Trump a lifeline and pause his $454 million bond if he can come up with $175 million in 10 days. (I wonder if the courts would be that nice to someone like YOU?)

This updated ruling comes despite Trump claiming online, just days ago, that he has "almost five hundred million dollars in cash."https://t.co/M6nIqXArxc

— Kyle Griffin (@kylegriffin1) March 25, 2024

• In case you missed it, at least 133 people were killed in a terrorist attack on a Russian concert hall on Friday. (The US has reportedly warned Russian officials of the possibility of such an attack over a month ago.) Though ISIS has claimed responsibility for the massacre, President Vladimir Putin is trying to pin the blame on Ukraine for reasons which should be stupidly obvious.

Meet the Press moderator Chuck Todd and other on-air talent had harsh words for their NBC bosses yesterday who made the bizarre misstep of hiring former RNC chair (and election denier!) Ronna McDaniel as a political analyst raised serious "credibility issues." (Can I get a big "NO SHIT, SHERLOCK" for that?)

• And finally... this makes me want to hit the club. The chicken club. (Sound up!)

So good! 😂😂pic.twitter.com/UYcPMraDAY

— Figen (@TheFigen_) March 24, 2024

The Top 36 Events in Portland This Week: Mar 25–31, 2024

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NCAA Women's Basketball Championship, Laurie Anderson, and More Top Picks by EverOut Staff

Without further ado, we're presenting you with the best things to do during this final week of March. Click through to peruse events from the NCAA Women's Basketball Championship to Alison Jean Cole in Conversation With Angela Piller and from Laurie Anderson to Danny Brown.

WEDNESDAY FILM

Church of Film: Leila and the Wolves
Lebanese director Heiny Srours's '84 drama follows Leila, a Lebanese woman whose reflections on the women in Lebanese and Palestinian history translate into time travel on screen—Leila meets women living through the Nakba and the Lebanese Civil War. Leila and the Wolves took over seven years to direct, as Srour filmed under "dangerous shooting conditions" and constructed an elaborate fairy tale amid trauma and destruction. LINDSAY COSTELLO
(Clinton Street Theater, Hosford-Abernethy)

Good Morning, News: A $17K Water Bill, a SLAPP in the Face to Elon Musk, and the Return of the Wooden Shoe Tulip Fest

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by Courtney Vaughn

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Are we all still daydreaming about last week’s weather? Repeat after me: Showers bring flowers. ☔🌸 Let that run through your head today, tomorrow and the day after because we’re in for a wet week. The weather apps say we’re in for sunshine this weekend, so just be patient.

      View this post on Instagram            

A post shared by Grandma Droniak (@grandma_droniak)

In LOCAL NEWS:

  • Speaking of wet things and water, a local family gasped when they got a $17,000 water bill from the Portland Water Bureau. KOIN reports a multi-generational household was billed for more than 1,600 centum cubic feet of water over the course of the 90-day billing cycle. (Note: the city said recently that most single-family households use about five ccf per month.) The family says it’s nearly impossible they could’ve used that much water. A plumbing company found no leaks at the property, but a quick inspection of the meter revealed the problem. That little needle was spinning like a whirling dervish. Let’s see if the city does the right thing.
  • A major fire took out Pacific Market in Northeast Portland overnight. The Asian market is part of a large strip mall near Northeast Broadway and 67th that also contained a former Vietnamese restaurant that has been closed for quite a while. No injuries were reported, but Portland Fire & Rescue says the building is a total loss. Residents from eight nearby homes were advised to evacuate, but later returned home.

    Large fire destroys Pacific Market in Northeast Portland https://t.co/t0NXRTpYfp

    — KGW News (@KGWNews) March 26, 2024
  • New US Census Bureau data show Multnomah County’s population continues to shrink, as people leave in search of affordable housing. Shocking. As Axios Portland notes, the county “lost nearly 27,000 residents from 2020 to 2023.” That’s a 3.3 percent decline in population, after the Portland Metro area saw a steady increase up until 2020. Remember when Portland was a working-class-friendly city? How do we get back to that?
  • CONTENT WARNING: This story involves alleged animal cruelty and might ruin your day. The Oregon Humane Society is investigating after 19 dead puppies were found stored in a freezer in Columbia County. According to the Columbia County Sheriff’s Office, the owner was likely using the puppies as food for their eight pet snakes. The Humane Society is performing a necropsy on the animals, the results of which could lead to criminal charges for the puppy killer..err…snake owner.
  • In lighter news, the Everout team has rounded up a bevy of local events to check out this week, including the return of the Wooden Shoe Tulip Festival 🌷(woohoo!) Bounce from a wooden shoe to an exhibit of innovative and “futuristic footwear” on display at the Portland Art Museum and grab yourself a delicious Easter treat.

    BEHOLD! The best things to do during this final week of March! Find all the events you're looking for, from the NCAA Women's Basketball Championship to Alison Jean Cole in Conversation With Angela Piller and from Laurie Anderson to Danny Brown.https://t.co/YnsBVOsEuJ

    — Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) March 25, 2024

In NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS: 

  • A cargo ship took out the Francis Scott Key Bridge in Baltimore early this morning, after the ship reportedly lost power and issued a mayday warning. As of Tuesday morning, six construction workers who were doing maintenance on the bridge are missing and believed to be in the water near the wreck.

    NEW: 6 people are believed to be missing in the water under the Francis Scott Key Bridge in Baltimore, which collapsed after being hit by a cargo ship.

    All 6 — plus 2 more who were rescued — were part of a construction crew fixing potholes on the bridge. https://t.co/V1hZmju3R9

    — Nicholas Bogel-Burroughs (@NickAtNews) March 26, 2024
  • A federal judge dismissed a lawsuit brought by Elon Musk and X (which everyone still calls “Twitter”) against a hate speech watchdog group. In what CNN called an “excoriating rebuke,” District Judge Charles Breyer concluded Musk’s motives were clearly aimed at punishing the group and chilling their free speech. Musk tried to claim the Center for Countering Digital Hate (CCDH) breached the social media platform’s terms of service by calling out the rise in hate speech on the site since Musk bought it in 2022. Judge Breyer essentially said the litigation was a blatant Strategic Lawsuit Against Public Participation, otherwise known as a SLAPP. As CNN and others have noted, Musk claims to be a “free speech absolutist.” Huh.
  • WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange was granted permission to appeal his pending extradition to the US, where he faces espionage charges. Years ago, Assange used WikiLeaks to publish "thousands of classified and diplomatic documents" that Assange and his lawyers say reveal torture, war crimes and extrajudicial killings (murder) on behalf of US government operatives, The Guardian reports. Assange is currently in a London prison, where he's been held since 2019.
  • The US Supreme Court is slated to hear a case that could significantly restrict access to abortion drug mifepristone. An anti-abortion group initially argued the FDA shouldn’t have approved mifepristone. Now, they’re arguing the federal agency shouldn’t have made it as widely available as it is now. If SCOTUS rules like it did in Roe v. Wade, we’re screwed, even in blue states that have fought to protect access, NPR notes. A coalition of 22 Democratic governors, including Gov. Tina Kotek, filed an amicus brief with the court to back the FDA. Last year, Kotek directed state leaders to secure a three-year supply of mifepristone.

    Remember: the people claiming to be worried about women's health say that patients with life-threatening pregnancies should be given *c-sections* instead of abortions https://t.co/LhaxtjNWtU

    — Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) March 26, 2024

SAVAGE LOVE: What Counts

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Is a woman having an emotional affair with a married man "micro-cheating"? And is the concept of "micro-cheating" bullshit? LET'S FIND OUT. by Dan Savage I’m involved with a guy who’s married and, yes, I’m a cliché and I know it. I don’t want him to leave his wife. I don’t even want to be involved with him physically and we aren’t doing anything physical. We’ve both been good about maintaining that boundary. But we are very involved emotionally. We like to tell ourselves that we’re not cheating but it’s definitely an emotional affair. I honestly do not want to have sex with him. I look at pictures of him and his wife and kids to remind myself that he has a family, and I don’t want to break up his family. Not that I could just by having sex with him, but you know what I mean. I don’t want to be “the other woman.” My question: Am I endangering his family just by talking to him so much, about absolutely everything (including sexual…

[ Read more ]

Waking Up to "Woke"

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by Anonymous

People on the far right use the term ‘woke’ to pronounce their disdain for enlightened thinking, emotional maturity, and well-intentioned behavior. The term ‘woke’ has been transformed through endless repetition into a pejorative and all-encompassing meme for disparagement. Woke is a rallying cry, the mother of all wedge issues, a tool to enflame an ignorant and hateful base. It's time to fight fire with fire. So, what is the opposite of woke? Asleep comes to mind. But if woke is hyper-awakeness, then its opposite must be hyper-sleep, or what a doctor would call a coma. Ultra-conservative Republicans, AKA American fascists, are in an intellectual coma – they are comatose. But they will never remember or understand that term – just too may syllables. So, let’s just say they are ‘tose,’ short for comatose. The far right exists in a state of troubled eternal sleep. They writhe in anger, hate, and frustration in their endless nightmares of cursed sleep. They see no good, hear no good, and feel no good. The fear anything not exactly conforming to their stereotypes of worthy humans, AKA white male Christians. They hate any thought or belief that do not conform to their norms. They squirm from the frustration of sensing their own futility and knowing they lack the skills and knowledge to do anything to improve their lots in life. Pity the poor blokes. We are woke and they are 'tose.

The I, Anonymous Blog Quote o' the Day: Non-Woke = Comatose

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by Wm. Steven Humphrey

In today's I, Anonymous Blog Quote o' the Day, an anonymous writer is fed up with right-wingers (as well as casual racists) using the term "woke"—a term originally coined by Black folk to bring attention to racial inequity—as a pejorative term. But what to do about it? Let's find out!

People on the far right use the term ‘woke’ to pronounce their disdain for enlightened thinking, emotional maturity, and well-intentioned behavior. The term ‘woke’ has been transformed through endless repetition into a pejorative and all-encompassing meme for disparagement. Woke is a rallying cry, the mother of all wedge issues, a tool to enflame an ignorant and hateful base. It's time to fight fire with fire. So, what is the opposite of woke? Asleep comes to mind. But if woke is hyper-awakeness, then its opposite must be hyper-sleep, or what a doctor would call a coma. Ultra-conservative Republicans, AKA American fascists, are in an intellectual coma – they are comatose. But they will never remember or understand that term – just too may syllables. So, let’s just say they are ‘tose,’ short for comatose.

Read the rest here! And if you have a rant or confession to get off your chest (anonymously!), send your 300 word or less screed to the I, Anonymous Blog—a great place to "wake up."


Candid Reflections From Music Pioneer Laurie Anderson on Releasing Rage, Yoko Ono, and Amelia Earhart's Legacy

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Anderson brings her Let X = X tour to Portland with New York jazz ensemble Sexmob handling the horns. by Audrey Vann

Pioneering electronic musician Laurie Anderson has produced a treasure trove of work throughout her 55-year career. Last week, we took readers through "Five Laurie Anderson Songs That Aren’t “O Superman," but that barely scratched the surface of her seven major label albums, two full-length films, and the numerous experimental instruments she's invented—just to name a few of her projects.

On Friday, Anderson brings her Let X = X tour to the Keller Auditorium to revisit material from across her career with a reinvigorated perspective, spirit, and sound—thanks, in part, to her backing band, the New York jazz ensemble Sexmob. 

Just mere days before embarking on her West Coast tour, Anderson polished her violin and tested her equipment while we chatted about revisiting old work, releasing rage, and worshiping Yoko Ono.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity. 

PORTLAND MERCURY: Why did you name this tour after your song “Let X=X?”

LAURIE ANDERSON: I like formulas. And, I like that song. I wanted to play some old songs because I'm in the middle of writing a lot of new stuff. I thought, how do you write a song anyway? I couldn't remember that well. I thought that maybe if I play my old songs, it'll come back to me. 

How does it feel playing these songs decades after you wrote them? Do you find yourself relating to the lyrics in a different way?

Some of them sound like they were written yesterday. They don’t seem like '80s stuff—you know, the way a synth sound might sound so '80s that you just can't bear to listen to it? These are still as weird today as they were when I wrote them. And, some of them are written for horns. Sexmob has a great horn section. It’s really fun to bring back the horn sound in them.

One lyric from “Let X=X” has always stuck with me: “You know, I could write a book / And this book would be thick enough to stun an ox.” Have you ever considered writing a book about your life?

I'm doing one now. I'm not sure that it's about my life. It's about somebody's life, but not my life anymore. When I look back, I ask myself, did I really do that? I'm 76. I have a lot to look back on.

What has that process been like? Have you been revisiting old writing?

I've kept journals since I was 12. I read a couple of them, and then I went: Nope! Do I want to revisit every sad lost love affair and all of my childhood tears? No, not really. You don't have to remember everything—you only remember certain things. Like, the day your grandmother died—you don't remember what happened the rest of that week. You don't need to. We just need to remember the things that really hit us in a certain way.

It's been about five years since you’ve released an album. Are you currently working on new music?

I just finished an album called Amelia. It is coming out in August. It's about Amelia Earhart's last flight. It's with a big orchestra. I just finished mixing it in France because it's a wonderful place to mix things that have a lot of complicated elements in them.

Why did you choose Amelia Earhart?

She was very badass. She decided, if I complete my flight around the world, I'm going to set up a situation so that girls can participate in shop class. There's still a stigma about women in technology—except in coding. How many women do you see doing other tech stuff? Or, for that matter, how many women are in government? I just thought that we’d be so much more advanced by now.

Things are going backward, like abortion rights. What time is it? I thought we did that in the '70s! We did do it; I was there. I remember our sense of achievement. We never thought it would start going backward like this. We never imagined that. The world is full of stuff that you can’t imagine. But, here we are.

I’ve enjoyed seeing footage of the Yoko Ono scream on your current tour—where you ask the audience to release their rage and scream for 10 seconds (inspired by Ono’sresponse when asked about the 2016 election). What's your favorite way to release your rage?

I love to think of how to make things better in different ways. I'm not a screamer myself. I'm not even somebody who picks fights or has arguments. But right now, I do feel a huge amount of rage at a number of things that just seem so deeply unfair. 

Another strategy is thinking of what to do, like trying to figure out how to form some different types of groups that could function as communities. I've been talking to Brian Eno a lot about this. He's doing that in London—putting together groups of artists, writers, activists, scientists, thinkers, people who are getting together to figure out how to get through this era where everything seems to be upside down. 

I'm sort of a natural pessimist. I have to keep that under control. A lot of my friends say, here are some happy things that happened today. And I'm like, [sarcastically] okay, tell me, yes.

Did the idea for the Yoko Ono scream blossom out of admiration for how she deals with her rage?

Yeah, totally. She’s my hero. She's just wonderful. And everyone does have something to scream about. I'm not saying it's easy to make art; it's not. But, it's sometimes difficult to stand up for things when you're gonna get clobbered for your beliefs. Yoko is my model in terms of that. She's given me a way to get through difficult things myself—just to think of her and how she was vilified and how she just wasn't having it. I love her.

I have noticed that you are often asked about your relationship with Lou Reed or asked to speak about Lou’s career itself. How do you feel about being asked about him so often? 

Well, I mean, I love him, so it’s always good to talk about him. Recently, I've been able to work on AI versions of Lou’s writing. I'm not under the impression that I'm contacting my dead husband on an Ouija board or something.

In your interview withThe Guardian, about the Lou Reed chatbot, I noticed that it became the center of the article. Does the topic of Lou ever feel overpowering to your own work?

Oh, no. I mean, we lived together for 21 years. You get to understand what the other person needs, likes, and wants. You have to come to some kind of balance. You know, it's like with any partner, it's give and take. He was also very, very generous. So, I tried to be the same.

You and Lou collaborated on quite a few songs together. Did you enjoy working together?

Oh, I loved it. Yeah. We had very, very different ideas about what was going to work and what was not going to work. So it was a lot of fun. 

I saw that you are covering the Lou Reed and Metallica song "Junior Dad" on this tour. What made you choose that one?

In the show, Lou sings that song as a ghost. It’s a really beautiful, powerful song. It’s too bad that Metallica doesn’t perform it.

Have you ever considered playing it with Metallica?

Oh yeah, I could make a lot of noise on my violin. They have great grooves. I love bands that can come up with a sound that is so powerful.

One last question—I have noticed numerous references to ice skating in your work—such as the opening lines to "Let X=X" and your Duets on Ice performances. Do you ice skate?

I grew up next to a lake, and I skated to school. It was the icy midwest—it was like the ice ages. I love to ice skate because it’s like flying. It’s a wonderful feeling. It’s also like slipping, you’re a little bit out of control, and you let yourself be out of control.

PDX Jazz presents Laurie Anderson at Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay, Fri, March 29, 8 pm, $54.75 - $95, tickets here, all ages

Portland Elections Office Finds Zenith Energy Violated City Lobbying Rules

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Activists hope the findings will substantiate their concerns about Zenith's operations and promote further action against the oil transport company. by Taylor Griggs

Oil transport company Zenith Energy spent time courting Portland elected officials in 2022, hoping they would approve a Land Use Compatibility Statement (LUCS) allowing the company to continue its operations in the city. While Zenith's efforts were successful—the Portland Bureau of Development Services (BDS) approved the LUCS in 2022 after an initial denial the year prior—the company violated city lobbying rules in the process, according to the Portland Elections Office.  

In a March 26 warning letter to Zenith, Portland Auditor Simone Rede wrote the company violated city code requiring organizations that spend more than eight hours or $1,000 lobbying city officials in any quarter to report the activity.

According to the Elections Office, which is part of the City Auditor's Office, Zenith Energy lobbied city officials for more than eight hours during the third quarter of 2022. The company "facilitated a site tour and engaged in several meetings with City officials to gain good will and advance approval of its permit," but it failed to "register or report those hours."

The company will not face financial repercussions for the code violation, but Portland climate activists—who have long raised concerns about Zenith’s operations in the city and the company’s relationship with city officials—hope the finding will persuade county and state leaders to hold Zenith accountable.

The Portland Elections Office, housed in the Auditor's Office, began investigating Zenith's lobbying activities last fall after a complainant raised concerns about potential code violations. The complainant was Nick Caleb, a climate and energy attorney at Breach Collective, and a vocal opponent of Zenith’s operations in Portland. 

According to Caleb’s complaint, and subsequently confirmed by the Elections Office’s investigation, Zenith Energy staff spent the third quarter of 2022 in frequent communication with city employees and elected officials—beyond the eight hour limit. The investigation concludes that given the communication during this time, which included a Zenith site tour with Commissioners Dan Ryan and Carmen Rubio (who oversaw BDS and the Bureau of Planning and Sustainability at the time) corresponding in meetings and via email, phone call, and text, the company spent between 8.75 and 20 hours lobbying.

The third quarter of 2022 is also when Zenith had the most to gain from engaging with city officials. BDS had previously denied Zenith’s LUCS application on the grounds that their permit didn’t align with city climate goals. With its business threatened, Zenith began a legal challenge against the city of Portland, and submitted a new LUCS application. In the new application, the company said it planned to begin solely transporting renewable fuels within five years, assuaging city officials’ climate concerns. 

"According to Zenith themselves, the tour was meant to correct misinformation from bad press," the letter to Zenith states. "It is more likely than not that Zenith wanted to convince City officials the terminal was a positive endeavor and that plans were moving in the right direction to gain approval for a new LUCS. We conclude that Zenith's application for the LUCS...was a primary factor in their communications with the City during the third quarter of 2022." 

In a statement, City Auditor Simone Rede said "Portlanders can thank the complainant for raising their concern to the City Elections Office. The public deserves to know who is trying to influence City decisions. That’s why lobbyist registration and reporting requirements exist." 

Despite the findings of impropriety, Zenith won't face a financial repercussion for its lobbying code violations. The warning letter states that, given Zenith's clean prior record and the company's cooperation during the city's investigation—as well as a "low level of lobbying during the violating quarter"—auditors merely recommend the company participate in lobbying regulation training in the case of future communications with the city. 

Caleb, the complainant, told the Mercury despite the insubstantial penalties for Zenith, "the auditor's action is still significant in the overall effort to stop Zenith's activities." Caleb said the investigation "gave additional credibility to what advocates have been saying to state regulators: That city officials did not conduct a normal, run-of-the-mill process for Zenith's LUCS in 2022."

Caleb's concerns—which are shared by many other environmental advocates who have protested Zenith's operations in Portland—run deeper than the company's lobbying violations. Zenith Energy opponents say the company's crude oil transport services could be disastrous to the environment in the case of an earthquake, contribute to poor air quality in the city, and promote the continued use of fossil fuels—and they say the responsibility for the company's continued operations should also rest at the feet of city leaders. 

"In 2022, officials at the City of Portland, including Commissions Carmen Rubio and Dan Ryan, plotted behind closed doors with Zenith to rush new permissions to allow the oil company to continue running oil trains through Portland neighborhoods," Caleb told the Mercury. "I'm glad the auditor is holding Zenith accountable for its part, and now we need state regulators to hold city officials accountable as well." 

Irrationally Angry Lady on the Bus

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by Anonymous

You had plenty of room to get out the back door. I hope someone gave your grumpy ass a hug. You were clearly in need of one.

Good Morning, News: Zenith Flouts Lobbying Rules, Rural Oregon School District Sues Over Logging Rollback, and Trump's America-Themed Bible (Get Yours Now For Only $59.99!)

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by Taylor Griggs

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! It's going to be another drizzly and chilly March day out there today, but sunnier times are ahead this weekend. For now, enjoy all the beautifully blooming trees against the backdrop of gray skies: I find it makes for an appealing contrast and helps me forget about how bad my seasonal allergies are. 

Now, here's the news, so you can get on with your Wednesday.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• A new report out of the city Elections Office says Zenith Energy, the crude oil transport company with a terminal along the Willamette River in Portland's Northwest Industrial District, violated city lobbying rules when it was trying to persuade city officials to approve its Land Use Compatibility Statement back in 2022. The company, which flouted city requirements to report lobbying activity, won't face financial repercussions. But the finding confirms what environmental activists have been saying for a long time: Zenith is shady AF (and the city's pretty shady too for going along with them). 

In the latest edition of the I, Anonymous Blog Quote o' the Day, an anonymous writer has some choice words for those who use the term "woke" in a negative way. (And you can submit your rants and confessions anonymously too!)https://t.co/0PI9QJm8Df

— Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) March 26, 2024

• Ever heard of a "listening bar"? I hadn't either, until I read Robert Ham's article about Portland's TWO listening bars: "Meticulously designed haunts built around the playing of vinyl records on high-end stereo equipment." The bars are a Japanese import, and the two locations around Portland are very intriguing to me, especially after hearing about Ham's time at one of them, where the experience of listening to dance music "feels like your internal organs are getting a deep tissue massage." Check out the story, along with the rest of the Mercury's amazing spring arts coverage!  

• The Jewell School District, located in Northwest Oregon's Clatsop State Forest, is suing the state forestry department because of their newly-adopted forest conservation plan, which will cut back on logging to preserve habitats for threatened and endangered species who live in Oregon's state forests. Apparently, the Jewell School District receives a significant amount of its revenue from logging, so this plan will force the district to make big budget cuts. Oh, in that case, it seems like the only path forward here is to irreversibly destroy Oregon's priceless, beautiful forests, killing off a few species of animals in the process. The state couldn't possibly find the money somewhere else so kids in the Jewell School District can learn. (That's a joke, yes they could, and just to be clear, we're talking about roughly $1 million a year in budget cuts.) Notorious Portland lawyer John DiLorenzo, who has (unsuccessfully) sued against plans to limit logging in the past, is representing the district. 

• In other school district news... teachers in the Salem-Keizer school district were set to go on strike this spring, following in the historic footsteps of the Portland teachers strike last fall. But yesterday morning, the teachers' union and district managed to come to a tentative bargaining agreement, avoiding a school walkout. Salem-Keizer is Oregon's second-largest school district (after Portland Public Schools). I hope the teachers got everything they wanted! 

Is a woman having an emotional affair with a married man "micro-cheating"? And is the concept of "micro-cheating" bullshit? LET'S FIND OUT in this week's SAVAGE LOVE!https://t.co/vZggtIMN2b

— Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) March 26, 2024

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

Baltimore is reeling from the collapse of its Francis Scott Key Bridge early Tuesday morning, which has likely resulted in the deaths of six people (they are currently identified as missing), all of whom were construction workers who were filling potholes on the bridge when a ship crashed into it. This is a tragic event for those people and their families, and will have long-lasting impacts. It's also raising questions about the state of our country's infrastructure—but, to be fair, even the best-designed bridges aren't meant to withstand getting rammed by a massive cargo ship. Even so, many people are saying this event could've been avoided. This isn't the first time a bridge has collapsed due to ship or barge collisions: According to an article in the AP, it's happened 35 times from 1960 to 2015. 

• New bullet point, but still talking (tangentially) about the bridge collapse: Luckily, it seems nobody died while crossing the Baltimore bridge in their vehicle (it's REALLY lucky this didn't happen during rush-hour), but this could still be a good opportunity to brush up on survival skills in the case something unthinkable happens to you. NPR released an article with tips on how to escape a submerged vehicle, and the main theme is just to get out as quickly as possible. They even provide a helpful acronym, SWOC, which stands for:

S —Seat belts off

W — Windows open

O — Out immediately

C — Children first

I am very hopeful none of you will ever be in this situation, but it's good to know just in case. 

• The U.S. Supreme Court is taking on its first abortion-related case since it blew up Roe v. Wade in 2022, and things... might not be so bad this time? Don't want to jinx it, but it looks promising that the justices won't agree to limit access to the abortion pill mifepristone, which a group of anti-abortion doctors are currently trying to get them to do. The plaintiffs' argument revolves around the idea that the abortion pill is unsafe, which it isn't. The justices seem hesitant to usurp the authority of the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), which gave mifepristone the green light back in 2000. They're also not buying the argument that doctors are forced to go against their morals and prescribe the abortion bill. Fingers crossed! It would be extremely horrible if this pill was banned. 

Breaking News: Richard Serra, an artist who created experiential sculptures using massive walls of rusting steel, has died. He was 85. https://t.co/8W38rNkFl4

— The New York Times (@nytimes) March 27, 2024

• Umm...Donald Trump is selling $60 Bibles (sorry, they're actually only $59.99), which he has dubbed "God Bless the USA Bibles" for their inclusion of not only the scripture, but also the U.S. Constitution, Bill of Rights,  Declaration of Independence and the Pledge of Allegiance, and lyrics to the Lee Greenwood song "God Bless the USA." This product is advertised as "the only Bible endorsed by President Trump!" and comes right in time for Holy Week, so you can celebrate Good Friday and Easter this weekend just as Jesus would've wanted you to: With Trump's Bible in hand. It also comes right in the middle of Trump's mounting legal fees, which he cannot afford to pay, so I guess he's trying to get creative with his business ventures. I don't even know what to say. Sometimes you just have to laugh. 

• Ok, time to go now. I hope you tackle your hump day with all the finesse of these bears climbing trees. (Oh yeah, bears can climb trees. Another survival skill to remember.)

Timber and Thorn did a treemendous job pic.twitter.com/AShho4NcLA

— Oregon Zoo (@OregonZoo) March 22, 2024

Washington’s Prescient Farewell: The Problem

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by Anonymous

“[Partisanship] serves always to distract the public councils and enfeeble the public administration. It agitates the community with ill-founded jealousies and false alarms, kindles the animosity of one part against another, foments occasionally riot and insurrection... [Parties] are likely … to become potent engines, by which cunning, ambitious, and unprincipled men will be enabled to subvert the power of the people, and to usurp for themselves the reins of government.” That’s from President George Washington’s farewell address. In this context, the word “partisanship” means “political parties.” The quote can be parsed as follows: 1) political parties breed factionalism and divisiveness; 2) foreign powers meddle in domestic affairs when political parties ally with them; and 3) parties intensify regional mistrust and animosity. Look around and what do you see? 1. The two American parties are at each other’s throats and polarizing the country. The government is mired in stalemate and controversy; the traditional accoutrements of democratic government have been butchered; there is no room for compromise; the country teeters on a civil war. 2. The parties accuse one another of colluding with foreign governments to influence elections, spread dissent, and undermine the republic. One party is shredding trust in traditional alliances and mutual defense pacts, while favoring old adversaries. 3. Americans in one state or region have always mistrusted the political and economic intentions of other states or regions. And now, Southerners despise northerners, people in the northeast and along the west coast are labelled snooty elites, rural people have no use for urbanites, the races barely tolerate one another, and immigrants are accused of wicked acts. Can we save ourselves? No. I fear we have passed the tipping point. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust.

Washington’s Prescient Farewell: The Solution

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by Anonymous

On the other hand, maybe there may be a glimmer of hope for America and its fragile democracy. I would like to suggest the following to convert hope to reality. 1. Abolish political parties - make everyone run as independents. 2. Campaign contributions are legal bribes - get money out of elections: eliminate all political-action committees and other fronts; limit individual contributions no more than $500 per family per election; hold self-funding campaigns to the same $500 limit; or publicly finance all elections. 3. Require all candidates to publicly file a platform that specifies the precise initiatives they plan to sponsor and support, and automatically remove them from office if they fail to do so. 4. Make it a felony to seek assistance, in any form whatsoever, from a foreign country. 5. Eliminate gerrymandering, voter IDs, eligibility testing, poll taxes, and voter-suppression. 6. Make voting mandatory, like the replying to census forms. 7. Mail ballots into all households and allow them to be mailed back postage free. 8. Use ranked-choice voting. 9. Make television, radio, and print media time and space equally available to all candidates. 10. Make Senate representation proportionate to population, just like in the House. 11. Abolish the Electoral College. 12. Elect Senate and House leaders by a simple majority vote. 13. Suspend archaic legislative rules in the House and Senate that thwart the majority: no filibusters, burying bills in committee, or refusal to take votes at leadership discretion. 14. Make all state election laws conform to federal election laws. That should do it. Short of that, as I said, Ashes to ashes and dust to dust.

Good Morning, News: Bad News for NIMBYs, Portland's Sweet 16, and Republicans Blame Bridge Collapse on "Diversity"

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by Wm. Steven Humphrey

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Prepare yourself for a classic Portland spring day which includes all of the following, and perhaps more: Showers! Sun! Hail! Frigid temperatures! Boiling temperatures! I mean, if it suddenly started raining frogs, I'd probably shrug and crawl back under my comforter. However, at least we can always count on some frog-free NEWS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• A federal judge has slapped down the cruel shenanigans of politicians from the city of Brookings, Oregon, who tried to severely restrict a Methodist church from feeding the homeless and needy. The city said they would fine the church $720 if they violated a new rule stating that free food could only be served twice a week and for only three hours per day—down from three to four times per week. The judge rightly ruled that the law—which the city claimed was enacted to discourage crime and maintain peace and order—lacked logic and was morally bereft, as the city's leaders repeatedly referred to the homeless as "vagrants."

The Portland Elections Office found Zenith Energy violated city code while trying to court approval for a land use permit in 2022. Zenith opponents are happy with the finding, but hope more action is taken against the oil transport company.https://t.co/kE5gJzoefb

— Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) March 27, 2024

• While another similar report says differently, a study by Colliers real estate firm reports that Portland has the highest downtown vacancy rate of any large city in the nation (and will probably continue to rise as current leases expire). And while downtown business moguls and real estate trolls are screaming "HOMELESSNESS! CRIME! GARBAGE! HIGH TAXES!," the most likely culprit is a familiar one: The rent is too damn high! Even though the vacancy rate continued to grow in 2023, that didn't stop landlords from increasing the rent on average of 11 percent. (File this under "things that make you go hmmmmmm....")

Downtown Portland property owners' reactionary temper tantrum highest in the nation, report says.

— Eric (@EricGold) March 27, 2024

• The city is prepping to revise its controversial odor control policy, which allowed anonymous NIMBYs to shut down the minority-owned Pho Gabo restaurant in Northeast Portland. Commish Carmen Rubio says the city code is outdated and needs to be revised and replaced with "a more fair, practical, and equitable approach." (Maybe with a new "Shut up, idiot NIMBYs" rule?)

Funding for the Portland Street Response could be cut soon. And now Portlanders are speaking out, saying they want the program expanded, not cut. https://t.co/bP0Tyrp62e

— KOIN News (@KOINNews) March 28, 2024

• Good news for soccer fans, star forward Sophia Smith will continue playing for the Portland Thorns thanks to a new multi-year contract that also makes her the highest paid player in the NWSL!⚽💥😀

• In other good sports news, this weekend Portland will be the proud host for part of the NCAA's  Sweet 16 and Elite 8 women's basketball tournament, and it's proving to be a nice economic boost for the city as more teams than ever (along with their many fans) are booking hotel rooms and eating at our world-class restaurants.

On Friday, experimental musician Laurie Anderson brings her Let X = X tour to the Keller Auditorium. We spoke with the artist about her current approach to songwriting, admiration for Yoko Ono, and Anderson's own approach to releasing rage.https://t.co/MLIJEbr3AV

— Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) March 27, 2024

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• Former Democratic senator and vice-presidential nominee Joe Lieberman has died at the age of 82, after suffering complications following a fall. He spent four decades in the senate and was Al Gore's running mate in the controversial 2000 election, which put George W. Bush and Dick Cheney in the White House.

Out of respect for Joe Lieberman's family, the early runs of our obituary will downplay his killing of the Obamacare public option, warmongering in Iraq, championing of Betsy DeVos, lobbying for China's ZTE, and co-chairmanship of No Labels.

— New York Times Pitchbot (@DougJBalloon) March 28, 2024

• Because he simply cannot SHUT UP, unemployed criminal Donald Trump verbally attacked the judge who issued a gag order against him, while also shit-talking the judge's daughter who he idiotically thinks influenced her father. (Ummmm... exactly how many gag orders does he have to violate before he'll be tossed in jail... you know, like the rest of us would be?)

• Republicans have a new theory as to why a giant container ship plowed into and destroyed Baltimore's Francis Scott Key Bridge: it's "diversity's" fault! Utah state Rep. Phil Lyman laid the blame squarely on Port of Baltimore Commissioner Karenthia Barber, who is Black as well as an expert on diversity, equity, inclusion, tweeting “This is what happens when you have governors who prioritize diversity over the wellbeing and security of citizens.” If it's any consolation, the internet is currently roasting him like a pig on a spit.

Not you too, washing machine! pic.twitter.com/jjuLfKP5qY

— Tyrone (@tyronem) March 27, 2024

• A suspect has been arrested in the brutal stabbing murders of four people in Rockford, Illinois. Seven other people were injured in the attack which occurred in multiple locations, and so far officials have no clues as to what led up to the killings.

• And finally... when I get caught face deep in the ice cream.

The dog didn’t notice first that mom is in the room......that look! 😂pic.twitter.com/UZmxB7iY3M

— Figen (@TheFigen_) March 27, 2024


POP QUIZ PDX: Sassy Ass Trivia About Portland's Most Exclusive Clubs (Who Want Nothing to Do with You)

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See how well YOU score on this week's local trivia quiz! by Wm. Steven Humphrey

HEY THERE, BRAINY BOTTOM! It's time once again to put your brainy-brain to the test with this week's edition of POP QUIZ PDX—our weekly, local, sassy-ass trivia quiz. And this week, your brain will be tested on how much you know about local political drama, population fluctuations, and Portland's most exclusive clubs—which would never accept you as a member in a million years! 😭

But first, how did you do on the previous quiz? Pretty damn impressive! And I completely agree with your top choice of who should be Portland's next mayor! (Though your request might be kind of a hard hill to climb. 😬)

OKAY, TIME FOR A NEW QUIZ! Take this week's quiz below, take our previous pop quizzes here, and come back next week for a brand spankin' new quiz! (Having a tough time answering this quiz? It's probably because you aren't getting Mercury newsletters! HINT! HINT!) Now crank up that cerebellum, because it's time to get BRAINY!

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